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Title: New around here, just unpacking... Post by: WhoaBaby on March 05, 2022, 02:41:16 PM I just found this website yesterday, and it feels like a gift from Heaven. Spent hours reading posts into the night, now posting for the first time here. I'm a little nervous; I myself have anxiety, and my dBPDw would read this if she could. She sees no boundaries (surprise) and wants to know everything I do, say, text or think. But I guess this goes with the territory, right?
Without giving dates and details, we have been married for several decades and have 2 grown children. After shouting "we need couples counseling!" at each other for 10+ years we finally found a therapist, and a year later, after the toughest one yet, the T gave her the big diagnosis 2 months ago; a shock for my wife to say the least. She took it well for a month but now is challenging it a bit IMO. Thinks she only has 5 "mild" symptoms of the 9, (sorry, not) and has reverted to blaming me if we quarrel (more). So far she thinks BPD is only about her--anyone relate to that? But she is studying DBT with books, has an online group, and our therapist is great, so I am hopeful we will be able to keep our marriage together. I didn't sign up for this, but it's where we find ourselves...related, for the record, I can get real negative and sorry for myself about many things BPD, but I'll try to stay on subject. Last question: When do they hand out the Purple Hearts for this? I relate to SO many posts in this site, and look forward to posting more. This already feels like a family. Title: Re: New around here, just unpacking... Post by: Cat Familiar on March 05, 2022, 04:02:27 PM Welcome! To say it’s a challenge to be in a relationship with a BPD partner is an understatement. It’s great you have a supportive therapist and that she’s doing DBT. Check out the Tools at the top of this page.
Title: Re: New around here, just unpacking... Post by: thankful person on March 05, 2022, 04:09:53 PM Welcome woahbaby, glad you found us! This is the most amazing group of people I’ve ever known… I remember feeling the same as you when I joined about a year ago, after feeling so alone with no one to talk to for years. It did feel like somewhat of a betrayal at first, talking about my wife with strangers behind her back… but it has literally saved my marriage, along with some of the books I’ve read, “stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist” was the best one I recommend and you can also listen to it on audiobook which I do in my car..
My wife was diagnosed bpd before we met and she did dbt and managed to conquer the self-harm and eating disorder. But she does not believe bpd still affects her. But actually it does, with the paranoia, the anger, the control and jealousy, irrationality, selfish behaviour and treatment of family members etc etc. I have never bothered discussing bpd with her and how it still affects her… and since coming on here I found that actually that is the advice not to discuss it with them.. The amazing news is… I have actually transformed our relationship through following the advice on here and in the books.. without any input or work or effort from my wife! I have not even been to therapy but my understanding is that many therapists do not deal with bpd very well, not sure about the ones that diagnose it themselves though. My whole journey is documented on here, so you may have seen some of it, my most recent post, “thinks I’m doing differently” (was meant to be things lol) explains just that. Honestly it has been such an exciting year for me. I’m so much happier, more confident, my wife is calmer and my children have a much more stable life. I never thought any of this was possible. I still feel like an amateur but we’re all here to help. Good luck! |