BPDFamily.com

Hi all,
For those who know me and walked the hardest part of this journey with me, I just wanted you to know I changed my name with Cat’s help. I was truly broken when I got here about a year ago. And now I am nothing but thankful for all the love, support, patience and understanding and all your advice. You are an incredible group of people and I’m so proud to be a part of it.
For any newbies, I just wanted to spread my message of hope. I was listening to the audio book of “stop walking on eggshells” today… again. I have several bpd audiobooks I listen to on repeat. Every time I learn something new, especially as I’m always working or driving so I miss some of it. I can’t remember the exact words. But I understand that the book claims there is little chance of the relationship surviving and thriving if the pwbpd is not willing to accept they have a problem, and work on themselves.
This has absolutely NOT been my experience. With the support of everyone here, I have improved my relationship 100%, with absolutely no input from my wife required. I know it is daunting to feel the responsibility is “all ours”. But think about this… It is also empowering.

That’s amazing and I’m happy for you. Although I’ll never be with my ex again, I too felt now that I’ve learned about myself, BPD, conflict resolution tools, and just have a much better understanding of who she is - and why she does the things she does.

If given the opportunity, I know I could make her happier than anyone ever will. I’m willing to do the work. It is empowering. I completely agree. Unfortunately, I’ll never get that chance. She’s moved on in a matter of weeks and seems really happy.

I wish her well and hope one day we can find our way back.

Lots of power and encouragement from your story!  Keep up the good work.

What do you see happening in the next few months in your relationship.

Best,

FF

I am so happy for you and happy to see the name change.

You aren't broken, you never were! and I am glad you don't see yourself as that :)

Thank you love is hard, FF and not Wendy!
I know that I still have so much to learn, and I will certainly continue with the audio books and the forum here. But the fact is that I can now smile and breathe and enjoy my children, my leisure time, my work, and sometimes even my wife. lol
I have so much less anxiety. My wife still criticises me sometimes and makes irrational accusations. I take a deep breath and remind myself that I can handle this without her approval. I try not to rise to it. If I do unwittingly do so then I know that I can hopefully turn things around in not too much time. By not JADEing and by validating and just letting some things go.
We are still due to move to our new home in a new area in a couple of months hopefully. I feel closer to my wife, this is like a new adventure together in a beautiful and friendly area. It will be a new start for us. Our children are thriving and our littlest turns 1 year old soon. She has to have some nasty hospital tests but hopefully they will say she is all better since her rocky start in life, and can come off her meds.

I would suggest this is another example of "not adding fuel to the fire".

That she has a fire burning is her business.  That you choose to (or choose not to) add more gasoline and wood to it...that's your business.

Good job!

Best,

FF

 :wee:
Thanks for your message of empowerment.
When I first came here, I set my name as "Chosen", to remind myself that I'm not "a victim", that I stay not because "I have no choice".  Yes a lot of times I feel very stuck, very frustrated, but it's not a helpful mindset to have.  So I try to learn what I can from here (from all of you here, so thank you!), and I feel less hopeless because there are things I can change, not only my mindset, but the way I handle it all.