BPDFamily.com

Dear team,

Our D3 is undergoing significant badmouthing from her mother. I'm worried pwBPD is going to make a video of the child saying she only wants to live with her mother.

Can I use an affidavit from the child to get out in front of this? Will the court accept an affidavit taken by a lawyer that essentially says the child loves both parents?

I think this might make for a powerful piece of evidence since the mother is trying to get her to hate me.

Thanks,

BigOof

If she's 3-years old, the honest truth is that any North American Court doesn't give a hoot whether she makes a video, swears an affidavit or tells the judge to her face which parent she loves most. Children that age are just assumed to be parroting what they hear adults tell them to say. Focus on your relationship with her, not proving it - at this age.

Exactly.

The age of the child works against any "affadavit." I'm so sorry. Your best bet is a GAL or child therapist who  is willing to testify.

Or a Custody Evaluator.  Many professionals are reluctant to testify because they're worried they may get sued or get complaints filed before the licensing boards.  However, they typically do speak with a CE or GAL to consult and discuss details and observations, from one professional to another.

Over the years I went before three of at least 4 magistrates my county had.  At one of them my ex wanted to present an affidavit from one of her acquaintances.  As I recall, my lawyer told me not to worry - he couldn't cross examine a piece of paper - and sure enough the court ignored it.

After some 8 years in and out of court, my court did agree with my ex's motion for our son, then S11, to be interviewed ("in camera") by the court, magistrate and GAL only.  That was the first and only time my son was ever in the courtroom.

Parental alienation can be so insidious and gutting.

How much time do you have with D3?

What signs are you seeing in D3 that concern you?

I see her daily, no overnights.


Out of the 17 strategies of PA, I can confirm 16 of them, including our 3-year-old daughter openly denigrating me. It is like pwBPD is teaching DV to a child and the child is acting it out.

Are you finding specific strategies to help neutralize behaviors in D3?

How do you respond when she denigrates you?

When she denigrates me, I confirm the lie with her by repeating it back to her and then ask "who told you that?" She freely acknowledges it was "mommy." Due to multiple false accusations, I record everything. After capturing the behaviors, denigration, and badmouthing, I then send it to my attorney to put into evidence.

I hope a judge watching a 3-year-old child engage in emotional abuse (DV) at the behest of her mother is a powerful image.

Another follow up is to ask her how she felt when mom said that.

Validating how she feels will make it more difficult for mom to fuse her own feelings onto D3's.

It is a profound relief to have a parent validate feelings when the other parent is incapable of doing this.

It isn't uncommon for those of us surviving BPD relationships to overlook opportunities to validate our kids. Many of us weren't exactly raised in validating environments and can need a boost in this department.

That's a really good idea!

Thank you so much, livednlearned.