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 So the replacement didn’t work and in fact hurt her badly. That doesn’t mean she will blame herself or even him or go after him instead she is out there blaming me for “leaving her that she had to go to another guy”.

 Then she started being nice, sending me pics of our happy times together….etc.

 I didn’t respond. I can’t block her we have a child but it makes me uncomfortable seeing how she thinks so little of me. What makes her see me as a doormat like that? How did I let myself get to this level? What is wrong with me I wonder these days …

So to flip things around here for a moment...your name is notahero, but I am going to tell you to start being a hero...for YOURSELF!

You really shouldn't be wasting your time thinking of why she sees you like anything. Who gives a S :cursing:? That isn't your problem. She can view you however she wants to...that is her deal. Live your truth!

You are not a doormat. However you can be one if you continue to put yourself down like this and believe this is what you deserve and how you should be treated.

You have to work on realizing hey you are actually a pretty swell person and you deserve better and that you should be respected and loved for who you are. But...no one dictates your value, but YOU!

So please for your own sanity stop beating yourself up. Be kind to you and take care of yourself. Worry about you and what you have going on in your life. Your ex's life is hers and she made her bed...now she gets to lay in it.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

 What you said is true. My concern is not with her opinion though but rather a reflection of how did I allow myself to get to this point ? How can I stop that from ever happening in the future ? It is more about learning and reflection.

 The hard part is not resisting going back to being in love. That’s out the window. The hard thing is resisting saying I told you so…

 I know that saying I told you so in anyway means being reeled back into the drama.

By all means I can understand what you feel and what you are going through. However, something I focus on is more about empowering people. You were beating yourself down. And in truth my friend...hey man S :cursing: happens ok. It can happen to any of us. So that is another reason why I wanted to get after you a bit.

The most important thing if you do not want something similar to happen again...focus on boundaries and force yourself to be more comfortable with asserting yourself and calling people out. Sometimes you are going to be wrong, but you cannot be afraid to call people on their S :cursing:

When you set strong boundaries you will naturally gain more respect and have less likelihood of having any drama. If you show and allow people to treat you a certain way the end result will be what you have experienced. But, if you focus on your own happiness more and peace of mind and put up boundaries you will be better off.

It may seem foreign and it will take time, but if you put in the work I think its possible you may find you'll be much happier.

The last bit I will touch on. You can still have empathy and have a big heart and of course still show kindness and respect to your ex. Why? It is much easier and she has to live with her issues and maybe in time she will get better, but only if she wants to. Just make sure you remain consistent in your responses and in your dealings. The biggest tip will be to always be firm and indifferent. If you show too much emotion you'll lose because it will always be a game I am sorry to say.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-

 Thank you !

 

Has anyone experienced this level of gas lighting?

 She is now pretending the replacement was just a friend, after she made sure she shared all intimate things they had with me over the last few weeks. I’m not sure what to make of this. Is this something they do at that level or is this beyond BPD?

So something I do want to point out here. BPD is a mental illness and it is a monster, but that doesn't mean that all who have it are monsters. People are still people and are individuals. There are some things that align with BPD and others which are beyond as you put it. I would qualify what you described as being beyond because there is a malicious intent which is trying to make you jealous and elicit a response so you let down your guard and play into her game. She wants to be in your head. It is very manipulative. That borders on other disorders as opposed to BPD. Now I want to be clear here though...I think its better if we approach things from the perspective of what could be wrong and not necessarily using labels.

Be careful and keep your boundaries up!

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-
 

 That’s what some of my friends and therapist are telling me. She appears to have a narcissistic comorbidity that motivates her to torture her victim. Once I started waking up to that I had more success being defensive and staying away.