BPDFamily.com

My spouse may have BPD.  She doesn't want to hear it.  I feel like maybe the right place for me because I feel isolated and alone.  It's been a hell of a 12 years of marriage.  Are there any questions to help me determine how severe her case is?

Writing this from my bathtub.  I am a veteran I have C-ptsd, depression, anxiety. History of abuse from child hood until I joined the military.  I feel I may be codependent.  I love her so much.  I just feel so alone and she triggers me and it has started to get physical.

 :check: Please advise.

Hi Z :hi:,

It must be so hard on you, to deal with your own problems and on top deal with a potential BPD. Sorry to hear.
You can't diagnose her, only a professional can. But you are on this website, not without a reason.
Do you think your own problems made it harder for you to leave, or trust yourself?
In the end , it is not about a diagnosis of any kind. I found myself weeks , months, searching and talking to confirm I was right about an ex being BPD.
I was right, but looking back, it doesn't matter. It is about how YOU feel in this relationship.
You describe it as 'hell'. You say there is physical abuse.
Listen to that, it is you talking.

On or around 2018 I had to call a toll free number because a veteran I knew at the time was in crisis.  [A crisis does not have to involve someone immediately wanting to jump.  They could simply be so severely distressed that they need immediate help, or like in your case, things are turning to physical and or emotional abuse that is coming to a head.]  Back to 2018: That is when I first learned about this service being available--since I am not a veteran.  I found the person who took the call (the operator) to be understanding, non-judgmental, and supportive.  The matter resolved and more efficiently due to the help line's mediation. 

Message boards are great for you to know that you are not alone and there are others who share your problems, yet there are times when people need more hands-on-help.  The Veteran Crisis line can be an initial source of help.

Check your local VA office as well, as counselors, I am sure are available, if and when you decide you need help.  You need to initiate that call for help though.  You can certainly make an appointment with your regular physician/VA doctor and have them refer you.

From what you wrote, you need support, and I would like to see you get that sooner rather than later.  [My current situation is getting to that point, that hands on support would be preferred, but I am nowhere near your situation where things are getting physical...the emotional issues are enough.]

Re: your current issues:

You don't even have to be co-dependent, and some BPD individuals will do everything in their power to isolate you from others.  They prefer you not to have outside support, so that "you don't ever leave them".  Once you become aware of the lies they use to accomplish that, it becomes clear to you how many people could have been originally in your support system.  For me, hind sight is 20/20.

The fact that you have to write from your bathroom is not good news.
Here is the number:  1-800-273-8255  Veteran Crisis Line

Call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat live, or text 838255. A caring, qualified responder will listen and help. Your call is free and confidential, and you decide how much information to share.

https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/about/how-it-works/

I don't want to discourage you from writing here, as you will surely find some of us who deeply care. Since some of us have been exactly where you are now.  Yet, to get faster help, and hopefully eliminate some unnecessary drama, do reach out for counseling.  It may not cost you anything through the VA. I would be super pleased to know that my tax dollars are going to where it is desperately needed.

Regardless of your current VA status, I know the VA has the resources to help/direct you.

I have never found it easy to accept help.  People who have suffered early childhood abuses, tend to often "go-it-alone".  Let's change that.  Let us be ready to receive the help we all deserve.

As for you, Thank You for your service.   ...and since you have already given, please allow others to help you.  Reach out, and if the first source does not produce the results you seek, keep reaching out to get the help you need.