BPDFamily.com

We recently wrapped up trial, so now we wait. For other posters that went to trial, how much of a factor were the living conditions your ex provided for your kid(s)? For example, I know the court wouldn't be too fond if your ex lives in a drug house. But what if you prove that the child won't be living in a safe area, won't have their own room or any privacy, will be living with people he/she barely knows, etc?

Doesn't move the needle much as it is discriminatory based on income. If the judge discriminates, this is grounds for a retrial. Judges don't want other judges second-guessing their work.

Yeah, whether fortunately or unfortunately, I suspect "safe area" and "own room" won't carry weight. Think about it this way -- if all you could afford was a studio apartment in a sketchy neighborhood, you'd still want to spend time with your kid. So I wouldn't spend any time trying to use those issues for leverage -- it won't come across well.

Of the three, the one you could potentially get some traction on is "living with strangers", and you could maybe address that through a "cohabitation clause" which I've heard is focused on prohibiting either parent from having a BF/GF live with them and the child for a set time period -- like 1 year from divorce. If you can pitch that as "applies to both of us, and I'm focusing on what's best for the child", then that could work.

Given that the trial is over, are you more curious about "how it would have impacted results"? Or is there still some decision-making coming up?

I see the concern of the child not having a separate bedroom as perhaps having some weight.  The position of many courts is that girls, at least by middle school if not earlier, have separate bedrooms from the boys.  Similar for parents.  I recall some fathers here saying they'd sleep on a sofa bed in the common area if there were limited rooms.

And many communities have per person square footage rules for occupancy.  But usually those calcs are quite loose.

We probably won't get a decision for about a month, so I'm curious as to how much it may impact everything.

You both make a great point about courts not wanting to discriminate against parents with lower incomes, and I get that. My concerns are more about our D living with strangers and not having any privacy due to the size of the place and the number of other people living there. It's one thing to have your own kids share a room with each other, but to force a child to share a room with a complete stranger (the new significant other's kids) would have to raise a red flag with the court, right?