BPDFamily.com

First time posting, not sure what to expect and not sure where to begin.

My wife called the police tonight because I stood in a doorway when she wanted to close me out. She was talking to my 12 yo daughter about sexual things that never happened. My wife has been projecting her childhood trauma onto our children and she thinks I am a sexual predator. I had enough of her lies and frankly her disgusting talk with my daughter, so I had to interupt them tonight. I stood in the doorway of my girl's room, where my wife is sleeping too (to make sure they are safe from me at night, as if the deadbolt on the door isn't enough). I tried to convince my wife that she is wrong about her perceptions and that I don't want her talking about my daughter being my "girlfriend."  This is when she tried to close the door and I refused to leave, and she called the police.  

She is in counseling, I am in counseling, and we are in marital counseling. I thought counseling would make things better, but after 3 months, things are no better than before. The only difference now is that I have 2 conditions that I can learn about and cope with (PTSD and BPD).  Reading about BPD has helped me handle my emotions better, but she still has misperception that drives me crazy.  We've been married 15 years and have 4 children together - I don't want to give up on our family, but I feel like I have put up with, managed, learned, worked on, surrendered so much that I don't have any fight left to keep holding on.  

Is there anything that works on BPD faster than counseling?

What would you say to someone that has had enough with dealing with someone with BPD?  

Is there hope?

Thanks

This is some scary stuff. I’d advise you speak with a lawyer ASAP in order to protect yourself from unfounded claims.

People with BPD are not easily treatable. For one thing, they think that OTHER people are the ones with the problem, not them. In addition, BPD is the lens through which they filter all their perceptions. It’s not a condition that can be healed, except through years of re-educating through programs such as DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy). And in order to do that, they have to be cooperative and WANT to do so, which few actually do.

So, no, there is nothing that works fast with BPD.

What you can do, which can help your relationship tremendously, which you’ve already started doing through learning about BPD, is changing your own behavior. Take a look at the Tools at the top of the page. And keep posting more about your story.

It’s not an easy path to learn how to minimize the damage that occurs in a BPD relationship, but it is possible. Many people here have found some success in keeping their families intact and having healthier relationships.