BPDFamily.com

So I have been broken up with my ex with BPD for 9 months. I happened to run into her. She mentioned that she was engaged. A couple of days later she texted me saying that she felt running into me was a sign and reminded her how she was once happy with me. She went on explaining how her fiancé had cheated on her and is thinking about leaving him. We made plans to meet for up dinner the next day just to catch up. We exchanged a few texts that day. Later on that night we were talking and she stated that she broke up with her ex-fiance once she found out he had cheated on her. So already her story had changed from she is engaged and getting married, to she is thinking of leaving him,  to she has already left him. I asked her if she is still talking to him and she said "yes, we are still processing the break-up." I kind of laughed to myself and reminded her how she was with another guy two weeks after our break-up and this current guy three weeks after our last break-up. She didn't respond back to my text. About thirty minutes later I asked her if she still wanted to have dinner, which she replied "No, I don't think that would be good right now."

The next morning I couldn't help myself and asked her if our relationship was the best she ever had. She said overall it was the best relationship she has ever had. I once again offered to meet up with her and if she didn't feel that like it that I completely understood. She said she was going to fill her time with friends and get back on the a dating app, but previously told me she was not ready to date the day before during our conversation. So it seems like she is playing more games.

So, I am assuming she is wanting me to chase her, have her ego stroked, and use me to get over her current break up. I haven't spoken to her since and do not plan to reach out to her. It does make me curious as the why she changed her mind about dinner and if I am going to eventually hear from her.

Just my two cents, but you should avoid this woman entirely. It sounds like she's a pathological liar and someone who has treated you poorly multiple times. Her saying you had the best relationship with her ever sounds like another lie she's telling in the spirit of the moment.

Ultimately it's up to you what to do next... but honestly, you should be moving forward and not looking back to your BPD ex. Let her ruin someone else's life.

So...how many breakups and recycles have you had with her?

It sounds like a few.  It also sounds like her "flexible truth" (I'm in a polite mood today) is also not something that surprised you.

I'm all for "sticking your toe back in the water" to see if things have changed?  Do you think you got your answer?

Best,

FF

because you hit her with a barb, and it struck a nerve, and it sounds like she changed her mind as a result.


there is nothing that you report that would suggest this.

on the contrary, after the barb, she balked at getting back together, and you pushed, and then followed up with trying to rekindle more old memories. that is chasing her. but it chased her in the opposite direction.


probably not. i think the question is what you want to do here. do you want to get together for dinner? do you want to reconcile the relationship? do you want to move on?

if you want to crack the door open, it might help to apologize for the barb. if it were me, id say something like "hey, i gave it some thought, and i feel like what i said the other day was kind of a dick move. i was speaking out of hurt, and it was wrong of me. im sorry."

id probably leave it at that, and gauge her reaction. if shes responsive, i might mention "if youre interested in getting together sometime, id love to. if not, no hard feelings." she may or may not be hesitant, but if the two of you keep in touch, she may become open to it again.

Leave her in the dust. Forget the dinner. Forget why she changed her mind. She saw you and impulsively thought “it was a sign”.

Well let me tell you the other signs that point to her being full of crap.

She’s throwing her fiancé under the bus. She probably cheated on him. She bounced guy to guy and came back to you. There’s probably a lot more of you, than you can imagine.

She came across one of her old favorite toys, the “best toy she ever had”, and decided she wanted to play with it a bit. Eventually, you, the 2 week guy, and the fiancé will all be replaced by another favorite toy. Hell, fiancé might join you on these boards one day.

Sorry if this all came across as harsh. My ex ran me through the mud and I’m just angry about it. I’m mad seeing all these similar stories.

They don’t love you. They love what you offer them.

Her relationship is crumbling and she needs validating from an old source that it isn’t her fault. That’s it. When you chose to give her some truth, you went against her motive.

What on earth are you thinking?  Dinner is a terrible idea, to be blunt with you.  I think you know the right answer here.  Do you think maybe you are just looking for closure?