BPDFamily.com

Hello... this is my first post and im really hoping I can get some help or advice. My close friend who I live with has BPD, among other diagnoses. She is currently in hospital but is due to come home in a few days, however, recently she has been saying really quite hurtful things over messenger. I really want to support her and continue to be there for her, however, she keeps attacking me and its really starting to hurt. I know it's not necessarily coming from her and she doesn't mean it but it still hurts. I have also been struggling with my own depression recently and know I need to care for myself but when I've mentioned that to her she has just gotten angry at me and told me that im abandoning her. This is untrue and I can't keep pouring from an empty cup. I don't know what to do, all my health care professionals tell me to move out and not live with her anymore but I feel like that would be an awful thing to do. I want to be there for her but I can't do it if she continues to get angry at me and saying horrible things. im also worried that once she comes home from hospital it will escalate and get worse. 

Hello  :hug:

I'm sorry you are struggling with depression lately, I understand that feeling uncertain and are hurting from what your friend has said to you.

On the tools page there is certain ways how cope with it and listening with empathy and don't be invalidating.

The hardest part for me was not taking things personally with my partner but on here some people has said it's like trying to think of speaking to them as a inner scared child. it sounds like something has upset her or caused a trigger, And sounds like she's splitting at the moment.  there is also how to help with boundaries that you can also start to use to help with what you need.

Like my partner is in a rage and sating not nice things "I know that your hurting and your mad but I can't talk to you like this, I'm going to message you later"  or along those lines. Sometimes things can get better but it does take patience  and sometimes be worse.

Do you feel a little uncertain what you want to do?

If she's seeing a fear of abandonment sometimes they become impulsive, and can have a reaction and behave in different ways to keep you there, like a teenager who you just said you can't go to a party, sulks, acts out, different ways.

We can't control others reactions but control our own it is easy said than done. but you can start looking after yourself to help you start healing also if you have had advisement from your health professionals there is a reason they are saying that to you.

I'm still learning alot my self there is alot on here that will help you read different posts.

Take care