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Tonight, J swung a metal nifty nabber grabbing pole at an  :help:empty milk jug in my hand- knocking it out onto the floor.   Upon telling her I am calling the police, she began screaming that I would ruin her life- that I am lying and making it up and that she didn’t hit me or swing it at me.

Had she swung 2 inches off, she likely would have hit my hand and possibly broken some fingers or at best bruised my wrist slightly.   She doesn’t seem to see how this was dangerous.

Since I have no injuries, though, police are about 75% chance likely to arrest ME because “women don’t abuse men”

 :help:

Boogie...you cannot allow this behavior. There has to be repercussions. File a report...yes. The type of thinking of women don't abuse men is an example of why we have such problems with domestic violence. The people who get abused worry about what will happen to the abuser. It doesn't make a difference if it is a man or a woman...a threat is a threat. Abuse is abuse. What happens next if things escalate and you end up dead or in the hospital? Is that outcome acceptable? Hell no. You have to stand up and put a stop to the abuse and the S  :cursing: behavior. Period...this isn't something that should even be up for discussion. Nothing excuses this kind of treatment and behavior. Please do not allow this behavior to get normalized and accepted.

Please be kind to you and truly please take care of yourself.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

Hello  :hug:

I don't think it is the case of women don't abuse men at all. A family member of mine had a few times for needing to call the police by unacceptable behaviour. he can and stayed with me for a short while, and went back and she went into a hospital for a while and it kept repeating now he doesn't really see his family anymore. Noone has the right to abuse anyone male or female. I do think you shouldn't worry about her screaming about your running her life because your not its her own actions that did that not yours. I also was recently in the same place you are now and it did escalate and that final time, I rang the police my ex couldn't see what was wrong with that behaviour ( he threw me across a room and a few other things and wanted to slit my throat in my sleep with alot of verbal abuse and tried stopping my children from sleeping as he didn't see they didn't need sleep or routine) he was untreated and in that time was doing cbt course without really knowing was trying to deal with stress and anger.


Don't let this continue for your self.
It's not OK to be treated like that.
It can stop and even so actions of others are still accountable for.

Take care.

The final episode in my previous marriage was that my W had an alcoholic breakdown, attacked my son's girlfriend, came after me with a knife, wrecked our bedroom, and then called the cops to have me arrested. I waited for them at 4 a.m., expecting to be taken to jail, planning what to do then. To my surprise they listened to my side of the story and after talking with her, arrested her. I had only told them what had happened and had not asked them to arrest her, but in my state police have discretion in domestic violence cases.

I don't know what it's like where you live, but my story and others' shows that the man isn't always the one who's arrested. I suggest you talk with a lawyer for two reasons: First, if you call the cops for your W's next episode of violence (and I agree with other posters that you should definitely do so), you'll have help ready if you need it. Second, don't discount the possibility that your W may call the cops on you, as mine did, even though she's the violent one.

We often suggest that a spouse experiencing DV (especially a man) make a visit to the local police station, explain what has been happening, and get on file a report that can protect against false claims of DV.

A local DV hot line/counselor can help with documenting previous instances.

And voice-activated recordings can protect you.

Honestly, if the police are called, that may be something that the person with BPD will hold against you. However, doing nothing will only empower the person with BPD to get more brave with each situation and do something worse each time.

My advice is that being to this point that physical harm is happening, get a restraining order and have her removed from your place of residence. Don't put up with it. I can guarantee that it will escalate. I am not sure which state you are from and laws vary. Check with an attorney to get a starting point on what to do.

Believe me, once the police are called, there is a high chance that the person with BPD will twist things around and play the victim. False accusations can prevail. Its a tough step to rid the person from your life, but its better than ending up in the hospital, or ruining your reputation and maybe ending up behind bars.

I appreciate all of the help.   I have called the police in the past.   She was in a rage and I tried to leave the apartment and she was preventing me from doing so.   

Unfortunately, the dispatcher didn’t relay any much more info to the responding unit than “domestic” in the call.   The officer showed up.   I answered the door and he had an attitude with me.   I explained that J suffers from BPD, was in a rage and was attempting to prevent me from leaving the apartment.   He was reluctant to enter.   He found her in the bedroom and went to check on her.   I was crying In the living room.   I told her that I was going to call her doctor.   He ordered me NOT to- that it’s none of my business.   He acted as though I was a new boyfriend or just some guy that didn’t live here.   He said “she hasn’t physically hurt you - has she?”  and I told him that she threatens to “punch me in the face”, hits my arm, pinches me hard, slaps my head- on many occasions.   He chuckled and said, “So she says she’s gonna punch you?  She HASN’T, has she?”   

I showed him torn up pictures and broken items she’s destroyed.  He replied “They’re HERS!  She can do what she wants with them!”

He then told me that cops don’t mediate arguments and left.

I am reluctant to call the police because of this experience.

I can understand your experience has had an impact on you from when you needed help before which I can honestly say that isn't a reason not to call the behaviour will continue because in a way she sees she can. do auto voice recording when she gets in a rage or take photos on damaged things and also any name she is calling you or attacks on your body. take photo's, you don't need to ring the police when it happens if you need to go to a friends or family members stay there where you are safe and report it.

No one should have to deal with DV from any partner, the police officer was wrong to do that in his profession but doesn't mean all of them are like that either.
I feel maybe she managed to manipulate that situation at that time as He told you not to call her doctors and how it was her stuff but it's not OK for what that officer did and its not right the domestic violence.

Are you just trying to get out while she's in a rage?

or if she is resisting you access out lock your self in the bathroom till she's calm again, or police arrive?

take care