BPDFamily.com

Hello all,

Long time no post. Not entirely sure why I had the urge to write to all of you here this Easter morning. Perhaps it was to provide a word of encouragement. Perhaps it was to get some encouragement for myself. I am not entirely sure.

So first the hopeful message. Life marches on. With or without your participation life will go forward. So I highly encourage participation. Some days that is more challenging than others I admit. However do what you can when you can so that in 2 or 5 or 10 years you are not looking back wondering where the time went.

Next the update to encourage myself. My life too has marched on. The devastating loss of my exBPD partner still smarts. I think of it like a bad physical injury that still throbs when the wind whistles around the house late at night in the bitter cold of winter. I am often surprised that I still miss him. I do. It is my reality. That is ok. I miss who he pretended or represented himself to be. I miss the love, and tenderness, and laughter, and his laugh and smile, and hugs and so much more. I do not miss his eyes clouding over, knowing his mood by how he said hello when he answered the phone, the dread of his rages, the confusion of his random versions of events, the shock of his insults, the walking on eggshells in reaction to his mercurial moods. Sigh. Need I go on? No. Of course not. You understand. It is ok to miss him. I just can't let myself drown in that sentiment.

I have built an entirely different life than I expected. I am a university professor now. I know weird right? It is part time but a real challenging position. I also work in public health which I love. It is a work from home position and that is an amazing situation. It has its pros and cons. Pros... no gas money required, no travel time, dog hangs out with me all day etc. Cons, unlimited snack access, completely idle/sedentary habits have formed (yikes) and the inevitable slide into de-conditioning and lack of give a darn about appearance.

Meanwhile my run down project house is still mid Reno but I have faith it will someday be done. Between time money and energy (that is the biggest one) I am really SLOWLY moving forward on it. Please send carpenters, electricians, and plumbers lol. I love my home but actually have started to think once its done I will consider another move. So again life marches on.

I am significantly older. Somehow aging for me has always come in chunks. Like not a little each year but more like I wake up and one morning I've just magically aged. Its happened again. I am suddenly in a new age stage so to speak. It kinda sucks in truth as I am more tired, feel like I look much older, and have little enthusiasm for this stage. However my give a darn on what people think seems to have evaporated so that's a plus.

My social circle has shrunk. Both in terms of family and friends I have totally culled the herd. It is sad in one way but a relief in others. Its much like the ex, I miss who and what I thought the relationships were but not what they actually were.

I finished my masters degree and am looking for a position in my new field. Not with much enthusiasm I must admit but I am wandering toward that goal. So there is that too. See life marches (or at least trickles) on.

Why am I writing you this update? Partly to remind myself that I am doing alright. But I guess mostly because I want you to know that despite life ending up VERY different from what I envisioned all those years ago with my ex it did turn out ok. I have a garden, some chickens (yum fresh eggs), a few great friends, a big dog, enough money to live and have a few treats here and there. I drive a good truck, play a nice guitar (not nearly often enough) and live where the peace and quiet of the country is my favourite thing.

No matter how dark the days may have seemed back in the depths of my despair it did all end up ok. So if you are struggling please remember it will be ok in the end. If it isn't ok yet it just isn't the end yet.

Meanwhile I am still very grateful to this board and its members (nice to see some familiar names still kicking around). It is important to give back to those who have helped us in life and this organization certainly helped me. So thank you.

I hope everyone here finds what helps them grow and learn and live. For those of you who celebrate Easter remember it is a time of rebirth. For those of you who don't or who celebrate something different may you have the happiest of Springs. May the changing of the season bring new beginnings, brighter days, and growth. Remember growth can be painful at times. But growth is good.

Someone said to me the other day that life is about the journey not the destination. Then on further discussion we noted the the destination in life is in fact death. So yes the journey is the important and in fact the BEST part. Even the painful growth sections. So may this spring day bring you growth that isn't tough, sun to warm you bones, love and laughter in unexpected places, and a smile as you march along the journey of time and life.

All the best to all of you out there in BPD land from Hope2727

Thank you for your post Hope, reminding us all that there IS hope.  You have adapted and found peace and positive elements in your life.  That is growing.

 :hug:

Thank you very much for your beautiful words. It is always very helpful for those of us who are still struggling to hear from those who walked the path before.

Thank you. I hope in posting your inspirational message to those of us earlier in this journey, that it reminded you how very far you've come. It seems like these sorts of relationships have a way of stripping us down nearly to the breaking point, but provide us an opportunity to build our selves and our lives back stronger, with even more compassion, empathy, and humanity. Gratitude for the simple pleasures of life and quiet times -- enjoying the fresh eggs from your chickens rather than the anxiety of walking on eggshells.

Congratulations on your journey and thank you for sharing it with us.

 Thank you for the well written heart filled post you shared.

 As someone who is still going through the detachment process I found out being happy can happen even during the detachment itself. The new opportunities, friends and freedom ( both mental and physical) can heal you quickly.