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Title: Feeling lost Post by: abitlost on April 22, 2022, 04:44:00 PM :help:
I feel so hurt. I was in a relationship for two years. During this time we figured out my ex has BPD. They would describe "splitting" in arguments where they just couldn't connect at all to the love they had for me and would act in a rage way or extremely cold and distant. We were in couples therapy for a year. After a year in review session they stormed out after relapsing the night before and broke things off. This was 7 weeks ago. I am heartbroken because despite all that the good times were the best I ever had. We did a pandemic together just us, we made a life together, a home together, we talked about getting pets together and buying a home. We had the cutest dates, loads of interests in common, a similar sense of humour and taste in aesthetics. They supported me to process some big things in my life. They were my family. We have to live together because we'd just signed a new lease we can't get out of and I can't afford to move on. They have quit their job (they have a large inheritance) and gone on holiday for weeks alone. I'm devestated and feeling so much loss and they just seem to be living their life and not processing anything as sad. Is this a sign that I was just a bad person for them altogether and that easy to get over? Is this common for people with BPD? They used to write to me promising change and that I was all they wanted after they'd taken it too far in arguments. Literally a week before we broke up they made a big social media post about how much they love me on our anniversary and how they wanted many more years with me. I'm so hurt and confused. They are coming back home on Sunday and I'm so scared of how much of a mess I am and that I will be triggered by the quick change in them. I'm scared that I won't be able to hold it together when they clearly can. I can't seem to move on like them. They said that they didn't process things with their last serious partner before me either and that they do care about me and love me still but they dont act like it. They have already deleted all pics of me off their social media, not just couple photos and told me that it's because they dont want potential new dates to see it. It's been seven weeks and we still live together... And no I can't just move out. My hours have been cut from work and the UK is going through a cost of living crisis with everything shooting up in price. I don't have money saved for a deposit and the housing crisis is bad in my city. Title: Re: Feeling lost Post by: SinisterComplex on April 25, 2022, 01:24:46 AM :help: I feel so hurt. I was in a relationship for two years. During this time we figured out my ex has BPD. They would describe "splitting" in arguments where they just couldn't connect at all to the love they had for me and would act in a rage way or extremely cold and distant. We were in couples therapy for a year. After a year in review session they stormed out after relapsing the night before and broke things off. This was 7 weeks ago. I am heartbroken because despite all that the good times were the best I ever had. We did a pandemic together just us, we made a life together, a home together, we talked about getting pets together and buying a home. We had the cutest dates, loads of interests in common, a similar sense of humour and taste in aesthetics. They supported me to process some big things in my life. They were my family. We have to live together because we'd just signed a new lease we can't get out of and I can't afford to move on. They have quit their job (they have a large inheritance) and gone on holiday for weeks alone. I'm devestated and feeling so much loss and they just seem to be living their life and not processing anything as sad. Is this a sign that I was just a bad person for them altogether and that easy to get over? Is this common for people with BPD? They used to write to me promising change and that I was all they wanted after they'd taken it too far in arguments. Literally a week before we broke up they made a big social media post about how much they love me on our anniversary and how they wanted many more years with me. I'm so hurt and confused. They are coming back home on Sunday and I'm so scared of how much of a mess I am and that I will be triggered by the quick change in them. I'm scared that I won't be able to hold it together when they clearly can. I can't seem to move on like them. They said that they didn't process things with their last serious partner before me either and that they do care about me and love me still but they dont act like it. They have already deleted all pics of me off their social media, not just couple photos and told me that it's because they dont want potential new dates to see it. It's been seven weeks and we still live together... And no I can't just move out. My hours have been cut from work and the UK is going through a cost of living crisis with everything shooting up in price. I don't have money saved for a deposit and the housing crisis is bad in my city. Welcome to the FAM. :hi: Sorry I am just catching your post now, but we are always listening and paying attention. Does your partner have official diagnosed BPD? You are in a rough situation no doubt. What I want to offer up is that despite your situation being dire please do not bottle up your emotions or isolate. If you have to then please come and vent here. In these situations communicating and having an outlet go a long way to keeping your sanity and helping you on the path to healing. Hang in there and keep your head up. Please be kind to you and truly take care of yourself. Cheers and best wishes! -SC- Title: Re: Feeling lost Post by: Cat Familiar on April 26, 2022, 11:59:55 AM Please don’t be hard on yourself. What you describe sounds like very common BPD behavior. It’s a disorder of intimacy and many times when relationships become closer, the BPD partner pulls away, just as you’ve experienced.
It puts you in a tremendously painful situation that you are still living together and will witness them reaching out to new romantic interests. Unfortunately unless you end this permanently on your side, they might want to reconcile, yet behave the same way in the future. What kind of support can you get from friends and family while you’re dealing with this? |