BPDFamily.com

Talked about uBPD Mom in another post.  She's on the rampage right now after being relatively benign for a while.

Last fall she had a hysterectomy.  (She's in her 80s.) 
* She told Dad that she's eaten up with cancer. 
* She told me that she had cancer but they got it all and she elected not to get followup treatment because she's so old that she's not got much time left anyway.  But I should tell my doctor.
* My sister was with her at hospital (only one visitor allowed due to then Delta Variant) and has been going to follow-up appointment with her.  She said that Mom did not have cancer.  I'm assuming from symptoms that it was fibroids.
Does she think that we don't compare notes?

Sister thinks that she's depressed but she's not going to approach it or say anything.  I'm feeling the same way as her.  We are both strangely ambivalent to her other than trying to avoid the drama. But then we are both in our 50s and have dealt with this for all those years.

Boy can I relate to this.  She was probably "afraid" she had cancer.  Once she "thinks it", the cancer becomes a fact, so when the doc tells her it's not cancer, she doesn't believe it.

I would do nothing.  Let it blow over.  Eventually it will be obvious she doesn't have cancer because she won't be having those end of life cancer symptoms.

She will probably have other symptoms that are "real to her", and she will need someone to take her to the doctor which gives her more attention.

My mom has cried "wolf" so many times, I don't get too excited about it any more.  If she doesn't get attention for it, it often goes away on it's own.  My mom is 86 and likes to tell everyone about all her health problems, but she doesn't want to see the doctor.  She also refuses to follow Dr orders and prescriptions.  

When your mom says she's "eaten up with cancer", what she's probably really crying for is attention.  But one doesn't really want to reinforce that behavior by giving her attention for that reason.  If she gets attention for that, you will see more of that behavior.  Better to give unsolicited attention for something unexpected (nice hairdo today mom, or lovely flowers in your flower bed or whatever would work in your situation).

Alternatively, call her on it, and ask her if she thinks she needs to pick out a casket yet.

Sometimes humour can arrest it too, but perhaps someone else could suggest a line where humour would stop her in her tracks.  I'm all out of humour at the moment. :(

My mom has had herself and many acquaintances dead in the ground.  They are perfectly fine.  BPD thoughts are always so extreme.  I would let her rampage situation blow over or burn itself out.  Eventually she will self-soothe.

In my Mom's case, it isn't fear or convincing herself of it. It's just plain lying in order to get what she wants.  That's what makes me so mad about it.  If she believed she had cancer she would tell everyone the same story.  Thankfully, Sis has been to the Dr. with Mom and knows that she does NOT have cancer.

It would not surprise me if she had WANTED to have it to get attention. 

While my husband said we should confront her with a family meeting, those of us who know her know better.  We say don't poke the bear.   A group intervention would be a case of cornering an angry tiger.  We'd all be mauled.

This reminded me of the time when my mother called me, and acted all down. Asked her what was wrong and she said: nothing, nothing. Of course I insisted, back then I didn't know her tactics. And she told me she was sure she had breast cancer. I was at university, during my exams. I guess she needed to know I would "drop studying" if she needed me. Anyway... She didn't have breast cancer. Nothing was wrong with her. She just wanted us to worry about her and get attention.  When I called her a few days later to get news and make sure she was ok, she acted like it never happened.