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Its so hard watching the family drama caused by Mom and knowing that all l can do is listen and pray or hide.  I know that need to get counseling for my own feelings before going to see nephew graduate this weekend but may not have time for it to happen.

I'm now sitting in prayer room at church crying.   I was thinking of it as their drama and not mine.

We have a guest pastor today talking about church sponsored foster care programs.   As he was going over reasons some kids were there. I was badly triggered between the current drama, my horrible childhood and mothers day coming up.  I've never walked out of church before.  But I never go on Mother's Day to avoid being triggered.

I don't know that anyone can advise me. I felt that I needed to say all of this in case anyone else feeling like I do right now needs to know that you are not the only one on a similar journey.

Don't know if I will go to Sunday School in a few minutes.
  If I don't go it will mean missing 4 weeks in a row.   I may make an appearance and say that I don't feel well and leave.

You are not alone in your  feelings about Mother’s Day.  I think we all probably struggle with that one.  I am sorry you were triggered by the guest pastor.  S/he is probably oblivious to the mental illness behind what makes that day so difficult for so many of us.  

Lucky for her/him.   Someday maybe someone will enlighten her/him so that s/he can have the grace to acknowledge this isn’t a great day for everyone.

Meanwhile, excusing yourself because you are not feeling well is both truthful and prudent.  Once you are triggered it is important to go take care of yourself, regardless of whether we are bleeding physically or emotionally.  

What kinds of self care do you find most helpful?

I'm so sorry church was painful for you. I have certainly been there - it's awful to walk out and it's awful to stay. I hope you were able to take care of yourself today.

I've hated Mothers Day for most of my life. As a kid, uBPD mom almost always made it terrible with her too-high expectations to be treated like a queen. As an adult it's torture to try to choose a card that feels like something I can honestly send, not one of those "best mom ever" ones, then to decide what to say on social media, etc, and read everyone else's gushing posts about how wonderful their moms are. In addition, I had a miscarriage several years ago followed by four years of infertility, which added an extra layer of triggering onto Mothers Day. Just not my favorite holiday, to say the least.

All that to say, you are in good company here. Sending you hugs (if that's comforting) and hoping you are caring for your heart today.

Actually, this pastor knows A LOT about mental illness.   He was there to educate about it.   He is a wonderful man who does great work.  I normally enjoy hearing what he has to say.

But today, the timing was tricky.   I believe in the long run it 2as a good thing.   I released some feelings that I didn't realize were there and I feel much better now than I probably would right now.  I have a plan on how to face the weekend. 

Mothers day next week is a separate issue.   That day I will hide.  I'll be coming home from the drama the day before.