BPDFamily.com

My previous post talked about my struggle with holding my boundary around treatment for my soon to be ex husband with BPD and gave info on our relationship.

Well, I found out today that the entire time we had talked about reconciling, he was talking to someone else and they've now slept together. He's writing her love letters, just like he used to do for me at the start of our relationship. I think he left a love letter to her and a rose out intentionally for me to find when I dropped something off for him. I wasn't snooping, it was out in plain view. I honestly thought it was for me at first, because he's continued to talk about reconciling within the past couple of days.

It makes me sick to my stomach. I know he has a limited capacity to love in a healthy way and cannot be alone because of his disease. I just feel like I've wasted so much time on someone who could never give me back what I gave. And I now know I gave and put up with way too much. I hope the divorce comes through quickly--if he will come to an agreement with me on one last item, we should be finalized within a month. I need out of this hell hole of a relationship as soon as possible. I'm thinking of going no contact when it is all finalized.

Sorry this is happening to you Healing_Hurting.

I know it's probably cold comfort for you right now but it might be validating this behaviour is super common and EXACTLY the same thing happened to me a couple of weeks.

Be kind to yourself and remember this behaviour is caused by his disorder not your worth as a person, especially relative to his new supply. I got stock on this bit for a week or so and it's hard.

Final point - if your ex is anything like mine he might try to flaunt his new relationship in your face. I still don't know why they do this but it is happening to me right now and it is painful but I am still detaching as stoically as possible.

-getfree

Keep in mind that when seeing a borderliner ex with a new target, it’s no different than a child showing off a new toy. The ex is functioning like a child. When the child gets bored of its new toy, it will be placed aside for a newer one. Right now, yourself is number one. The hurt and pain that you are feeling will pass as time goes on.

Thanks @Bvcruiser, completely agree. When the novelty wears off they'll be on to the next one.

-getfree

 “Change The Way You Look At Things And The Things You Look At Change.”
-Wayne Dyer

Replaced or given an opportunity to get devastatingly toxic being our of your life and catch yourself?

Depends on how you look at it...

Thanks to all for the insights, empathy and support! I'm trying to keep the focus on me, my health, and healing the inner wounds that got me in this relationship and the inner wounds I got from the relationship. I appreciate having a place to vent where people understand being inside the craziness of this type of relationship!

 
I really appreciate that insight. Reflecting on the last few days, it's the first time in months I'm not fielding endless manipulative, needy messages. Still hurts, but a silver lining. If it continues, the end of the divorce could be blessedly less dramatic than I'd expected. Not holding my breath on that, because BPD.