BPDFamily.com

I don't know for certain if she was BPD, but I saw so many red flags and signs of it, why I let it go that far, I have no idea...

Anywho, met this girlie through an online hobby group we both are part of. Actually, saw her probably 2.5 years ago  and was like "Damn, that girl is hot!" but didn't do anything. Last April she IM'd out of the blue. Yada yada yada, blah blah blah, we stayed in touch through text, this and that. Great chemistry, similar interests, the whole 10.5 yards. Met her in person last May and August. I started falling for her but last November she told me she was in a relationship ("I am sorry if I led you on I didn't mean to"... RUN!). Alright, fair enough, time to go, I don't mess with other people's relationships.

For the next 4 months, every time I tried to walk away (just drop all contact, get over it and be done with it), she'd come after me (despite dating other dudes one after another). Many times I felt like I was dealing with two different people who didn't know what the other one was doing or saying. Well, ok, maybe she just drunk texted me last time and just didn't remember what she said? She does like to party an drink (Dude, R-U-N!)

It went on back and forth until we met in New York in March and spent an absolutely amazing weekend together. Sparks flying everywhere. She told be she wanted to kiss me the second she saw me, etc. She did tell me that she is in some "complicated relationship" she is "taking a break from" and she needs some time to sort it out. I told her "Well, take your time, but I won't wait forever". A couple of hours later, she got home and texted me "I keep on replaying the whole weekend in my head, I can't stop thinking about you". Two days later she told me the other dude was gone, she only wanted me.

And so for the past a couple of months, things got hot and heavy. Non stop texts, phone calls (it was a long distance thing). We met up for weekends, she bought me presents (she is pretty good well off lawyer). She told me how happy she was she didn't run me off and that I gave her a second chance, how easy it is for us to be together, yada yada. We planned stuff months ahead. We talked about me potentially moving to her city and maybe even having a kid if things worked out. Now she also told me that she is "a very difficult person to love" (HEEEELLLLOO!) and she has "a lot of love to give but has her walls very high up" (ANYBODY THERE? RUUUUUNNN!) And she is never single and dates guys one after another (Are you dumb?). And she doesn't get along with her mom too well and her parents basically gave her to grand parents to raise and she knows them better than her parents (Come on man...)

This past weekend I went to her god son's wedding where I met basically her whole family including parents and she told me everyone loved me.  And then I got home and for the first time in 2.5 months didn't hear anything the whole day on Monday. Got a very business like text Tuesday morning, exchanged a couple of texts Tuesday night. I basically knew it was a done deal. Wednesday she texted and asked to call her. I did. She told me she has no idea what happened in two weeks between we last saw each other and the wedding but she all the sudden lost all her feelings for me, it just wasn't working for her. "Maybe we can be friends" I said "ok" about 5 times (no point in arguing, it's done) and that was it.

I will not let her come back if she tried. It sucks right now but I don't trust a word she says and I am fairly certain I know what I am dealing with here. I am just pissed I wasted a year of my life trying to chase something even though I *KNEW* something is off.

You live and learn. And if you read this, maybe you'll learn something from my eff ups too  :)

It may be difficult to pinpoint what her problem may be, but if you see red flags, abide by them. Many people including myself ignored the red flags thinking that we could make a difference, but got disappointed and came head on with emotional torment during the stages of devalue.

Great job learning from your experience! It wasn’t a waste, then. I wish I would have heeded the red flags like you are. Better times ahead! Thanks for this post!

It's a certainty 99%, maybe 99.9% of the people on these boards ignored red flags and are dealing with the consequences. How many people post, "Well, I saw a couple of red flags and, being wise, I bowed out as politely as I could"? It's just human. We all know the reasons, but continue to learn.

That's an excellent point. I certainly ignored a litany of flashing red flags. But that's a story for another day haha

I pray we call can learn from our experiences and not repeat the same mistakes. And I pray the best for pwBPD but know that all we can control is ourselves and we have to decide how much abuse we are willing to put up with and put our families and friends through.