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Title: He apologized to me and now I'm conflicted...insight appreciated, please Post by: Silverdash on May 06, 2022, 03:20:59 PM Rightly or wrongly I msgd my ex to explain how his actions and inaction (silent treatment and being left unread after I replied to his questions in a vulnerable way) had impacted me negatively during such a stressful time.
To my surprise he apologized. It feels and reads like a genuine apology. He explained how he had misinterpreted me and why he chose to do what he did. He even offered to meet next week to listen and give me support. I checked the DBT handbook and saw the steps for it under acting on the emotion of justified guilt. The fact that this shows he views our rs being of value to him has my head in a spin. I feel torn between happiness that he values it, but also fear of being used. I wonder what the value is? He mentioned that he wants to have emulate the solid rs my self and my SO have, of good communication and trust. I'm quite confused and unsure how to process this. I did not expect the thoughtful reply he sent. I did not expect him to take responsibility for the negative impact he had on me. I feel valued and yet weirdly un-valued...as if I am a commodity in his eyes. Some one to 'photocopy". What is the endgame? Is there one? What does he want? My friendship, me as a backup, paint-by-numbers guide for his rs, supply, a stabilizing 3rd wheel, all of those/none/some thing else? I feel so confused by it all. We agreed to give space. He apologized again. It did make me feel comforted, calmer, respected, but very conflicted by the whole thing. I'm too close to view this objectively so Id appreciate insight from you. Title: Re: He apologized to me and now I'm conflicted...insight appreciated, please Post by: nerves on May 06, 2022, 05:24:44 PM It's a confusing time and so frustrating as you look to understand their actions and assess the implications.
I think don't worry about the right or wrong aspect - you messaged and that's it. We can only change the future. For me, no contact avoids the confusion but is certainly hard when you're sitting in the emotional wake. You can always message us and post here as you go through it though! He probably can't give you the respectful closure you need so I think... reset the NC timer and we go again :heart: |