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Title: Bf wBPD's reaction to me having a panic attack Post by: Remotefile on May 24, 2022, 12:53:22 PM This is my first post here. I've been seeing a pwBPD. We've known each other for a long time (decades), and have dated on & off for a while now. I've walked away in the past when he manifests behaviors that violate my boundaries, after explaining why.
He's continued to return to me, has apologized, and I've seen improvements. He is in therapy. Which is why I've continued trying. I also have anxiety issues and had a rather nasty, all day panic attack last week on Saturday.. His reaction was surprising to me. He called/texted a few times to check on me. Mentioned that he had a bunch of stuff to do. Then, called a bit later, asked how I was and when I responded 'ok' (after the 2nd Xanax kicked in-I was literally barely ok), he invited me over. I said sure, at first, then during the ensuing convo he asked me a favor. It definitely triggered me, as I was a mess. A mess to the point that I accidentally went to work in my slippers that day, then burst into tears while speaking to my manager about needing to go home and change shoes. Manager is an awesome guy-took one look at me and gave me the night off to take care of myself. When he asked the favor, I told him I'd probably just stay home then, as it suddenly seemed he only wanted to see me as he needed the favor. I was hurt by the request because of the crappy, crappy day I was having and said so, very politely. He started questioning me as to WHY I was having the panic attack, after I'd explained that I didn't know. He was aware of the slipper incident and I'd texted earlier in the day that I was just feeling terrified of the whole world that day. He continued to push as to why I was so distraught and I simply didn't have an answer. He then tried to downplay/excuse the request and when I held firm that it had hurt me and I really just needed him, needed a hug, was a mess (I'm crying while we speak on phone...) he became enraged and yelled at me that he was going to go! We sort of just hung up on each other. I'm just genuinely confused as to why my panic attack seemed to set him off. I'm hoping someone can help me understand this? Im guessing engulfment? I'm pretty well versed in BPD, as I've read up on it, but this was a new reaction from him for me. I did block his number for about 48 hrs, as I needed the space to process and come back to baseline since I worked Sun and Mon and had to get it together. Haven't heard from him at all since unblocking. I'm guessing I'm split atp? Sorry for the lengthy read... Title: Re: Bf wBPD's reaction to me having a panic attack Post by: thankful person on May 24, 2022, 05:53:40 PM Remote file,
Welcome and sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard time. I’m no expert, but it is my experience that I am unable to show any kind of weakness to my dbpdw, because if I do, she will verbally attack me. This includes physical ailments as well as emotional issues. I understand that pwbpd like to have the “victim role” all to themselves, and therefore feel extremely threatened when their so displays any vulnerability or neediness, especially if they feel there is pressure to step up and be supportive. “No one ever supports me!” my wife would scream, if I told her I needed a hug or some sympathy. She can be so cruel, and says things like, “just DEAL with it!”, no matter what I’m going through. For this reason, I no longer share any serious negative feelings with her, and certainly never ask or expect any support from her. It can be a lonely life, especially if you don’t have much other support in your life, or feel you can’t talk to others because you don’t want to put your partner down. We at bpd family are all here for each other. This is the most amazing group of people I have “never met”. I hope you feel better soon. Title: Re: Bf wBPD's reaction to me having a panic attack Post by: Remotefile on May 27, 2022, 08:27:53 AM Thanks for responding; Thankful.
He was under a bit of stress, too. He's been putting in work-I see a difference in him. This was just so unexpected, he's been fairly supportive lately. Has been working in mindfulness. I'm wondering if my being so out of control made him think I was dumping him? We had a disagreement last month and it was his immediate assumption that I'd broken up with him. Idk... We had a very brief text exchange yesterday. No mention of the incident. I'm feeling better, thank you. I get 1-2 nasty panic attacks a year, so I'm hoping this one is it for 2022. Lol. |