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Title: I am nearing the end of my rope Post by: Boogie74 on June 01, 2022, 06:17:51 PM I am nearing the end of my rope. Not only does J insist on me caring for her basic needs- she is a reasonably intelligent grown woman that can take care of herself when there is no other option yet she refuses to do simple tasks like make phone calls to schedule appointments, order food or request service needs like car repairs, plumbers, etc; she won’t even order food for delivery on a phone app or online if it means she has to answer the door…
She is incapable of making basic decisions without incessant and unnecessary research on the best options regardless of how small of a disappointment the wrong decision might make (I was read the riot act about how selfish I was because I bought MYSELF shoe inserts and because I bought deodorant at the store while I was out- she insisted that SHE was the best one to make such decisions and order them on Amazon- despite the fact that she procrastinates such actions for weeks if not months). Any attempt to help her is returned with retaliatory rage about how I’m being selfish and how I’m a narcissist. Tonight she had a tooth fall out- a dental emergency that requires a dentist. This happened at 4:50pm and her dentist closes at 5p. I told her that I will call and make an appointment- just glad she’s not in pain. She sat looking at her phone at dentist options- which :help:had better reviews… I took the reigns and insisted that we can’t wait to look at options and that she needs medical help. She blew up at me because I “had no empathy” and I “only cared about myself” and had no compassion for her situation. I was selfish because i “wanted to do what I wanted to do” and had no worries or compassion about her. I snapped and blew up (apparently common with caretakers of BPD and NPD sufferers). I told her I’m done helping. I won’t support her in that situation. :help: :help: :help: Title: Re: I am nearing the end of my rope Post by: Boogie74 on June 01, 2022, 06:58:12 PM Continuing my rant:
I am tired of living in a life where I am not allowed to have an opinion; where I am not allowed to eat community foods like chips or cookies or a can of soda out of the 2 cases in the house; where I am told that any response of interest in something happening in her life is being nosy and intrusive; where I am told that everyone in my life thinks I’m a selfish toxic human being; where I am “assumed” to be incapable of making simple decisions like what I would like to eat in the house or what pieces of mail I want to open that are addressed to me; where I am assumed as incapable of carrying cash or buying anything without a major sit down decision (I was once berated for taking $6.75 in quarters out of the change jar to buy gasoline because I was going to be paid the next day and I needed gas). I am tired of living in a life where I am assumed incapable of deciding to go to sleep when I’m tired or staying awake when I’m not; where she does not have a job (for 7 years now) but does stuff around the house- yet I am selfish and only care about myself; where I am incapable of making any plans to do anything with her as she will not commit to ANY plans and cannot move herself to leave the house on time without a major effort; where I am woken up because she can’t sleep and wants help soothing herself to sleep Title: Re: I am nearing the end of my rope Post by: waverider on June 02, 2022, 05:09:55 AM 2 basic principles of BPD thinking:
They don't like doing "chores" ie things that have no immediate reward, whether physical or praise. There is no validation to be gained. They do not like you jumping in and doing something they decide they can show how expert/good they are at something. They find this extremely invalidating, regardless of whether are actually capable of pulling it together or not. The reality of what needs to be done, or how to get things done has no place in a BPD world Most of these accusations of being incapable are simply projections of her own issues onto you. Being outshone is also invalidating, so ergo you are not "allowed" to be better at stuff. Ultimately it all becomes invalidating to you and gives rise to the frustration and resentment you feel. Are there any parts of each others lives that are entirely separate? |