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Does anyone have experience with pwBPD throwing objects at their child?

CPS won't do anything since there are no visible marks and it is the mother committing abuse.

I'm lost as to the best course of action. Suggestions welcome.

That's child abuse in California. It is frustrating that CPS won't move on it. What specifically is happening?

pwBPD threw a toy and hit D3 in the eye. D3 is pretty upset about it. D3 also reports intermittent hitting.

Report it to his medical provider at a check up or other opportunity. That also gets reported to CPS. Even if they don't do anything about it ( or can't)- they keep a record. Perhaps that will help if it's ever investigated.

Getting something thrown at the eye is dangerous.

I'm not a lawyer and don't know the ins and outs of it, but how about installing a "nanny cam"?

Yes, agreed with the above posters.

Re: Turkish's point: Check out your state's definition of child abuse to see if it qualifies. Ugh, hate even having to write "if".

Check also with a L to see if you are liable somehow for anything. As bad as it sounds, I would hate for the system to "get" you "because you didn't do anything" even though I understand that you are trying to report and CPS isn't moving. I am saying all this because you protecting yourself is a good way to protect your child ultimately, versus it being selfish. If you are legally protected then you are in a better position to help you D3. So find out if they can "get" you for "not doing something" even though it's them not doing something, if that makes sense.

IDK if recording your D3 telling you this would be helpful legally, and I think I've heard it's frowned upon, but maybe it's one of those "better to have it and not need it" scenarios? I'd be pretty cautious about doing anything with any recording of your child unless explicitly directed to by a legal expert. Having it though may be insurance? Might depend on your state.

I believe in our state if a parent "lets" a child be around the other parent who is violent/abusive, then THAT parent -- the nonviolent one -- can have the kids taken away from THEM. So it will be worth researching what the laws are in your state.


Yes. Report to any/all professionals involved in D3's care -- medical, educational, dental, any/all. You can also google search "My State Mandatory Reporting Rules" to see which people are required to record/report suspected or actual abuse. It may include religious personnel, coaches, day care providers, etc, in addition to doctors/teachers. Perhaps an approach could be to "report it to as many mandated reporters as possible" to, as Notwendy suggests, create a big paper trail.

It is frustrating that in your case the bureaucracies don't move at the FIRST sign of child abuse, but "need" to let a bunch of incidents pile up, while the child is getting hurt, before they'll do something.

Yeah, overall thought for strategy is two pronged:

-Keep reporting to as many mandated reporters as possible, to protect D3, AND

-Do whatever it takes to protect YOU legally, so that you remain in a position to protect D3.

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

I made an appointment with the eye doctor for a checkup.

Don't coach her, but tell her to be honest with the doctor. It's good that you're taking her doing due diligence for the reasons that others have said.

Good call on eye dr appt, given that is the physical area of concern.

FYI:

https://www.optometricmanagement.com/issues/2021/september-2021/business-legal#:~:text=OPTOMETRISTS%20ARE%20MANDATORY%20REPORTERS,reporting%20law%20for%20child%20abuse.

The article asserts that optometrists are mandatory reporters in all 50 states.