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Title: Life is cheap in Casablanca Post by: Hope Springs on June 21, 2022, 07:12:46 PM I posted back in April about my fears surrounding a situation with my ex boyfriend. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=352485.new#new Unfortunately things have not really progressed in any positive direction since then. Despite my efforts to de-escalate his hostility, he remains fixated on what has become a vendetta against me. He continues to bombard me with aggressive or disturbed messages which range from melancholy declarations of love to frankly offensive messages rudely goading me. Self harm is a continual and worrying shadow throughout this; he is constantly threatening suicide if I won’t comply with his demands to restore the relationship. At the times this has failed to draw enough attention, he has also threatened public defamation of me. By now I would estimate I must have received thousands of these communications from him. I wrote him a letter explaining why the messages and threats aren’t at all helpful and how they frighten me, but he seems genuinely unable to understand. He is infuriated all the more if I don’t reply, but almost any reply I do give him is angrily rejected or leads to fresh accusations of how he perceives I have wronged him. I do feel sorry about the way things have worked out and I have compassion for how unhappy he is, but he isn’t satisfied with any apology I give him. I tried to engage him in some ordinary chit chat to try to lift his mood and suggested we could be friends, but he simply isn’t able to have a normal conversation anymore. He reverts to the same repetitive set of phrases about suicide etc as if it is now a compulsion. His latest messages to me are emails titled “Help”. I wish I could help, but honestly I don’t know what to do. My apologies for the title of this thread, it is a quote that comes to mind when I think about how strange and disturbing this situation has become. Title: Re: Life is cheap in Casablanca Post by: BigOof on June 21, 2022, 07:19:36 PM Excerpt but honestly I don’t know what to do. Become boring. So boring he loses interest. Title: Re: Life is cheap in Casablanca Post by: ForeverDad on June 22, 2022, 11:57:25 AM I wrote him a letter explaining why the messages and threats aren’t at all helpful and how they frighten me, but he seems genuinely unable to understand. That was a good step, it would have worked with most people. Yet it was necessary. Why? If things continue, then any legal recourse could require such a notice to have been sent first. One approach would be to then have a lawyer send a warning letter to cease his contact efforts or legal action would be taken. As Skip suggested, best to continue not responding, in other words, be boring since there are indications of more severe mental issues than typical BPD. Unfortunately things have not really progressed in any positive direction since then. Despite my efforts to de-escalate his hostility, he remains fixated on what has become a vendetta against me. He continues to bombard me with aggressive or disturbed messages... He is infuriated all the more if I don’t reply, but almost any reply I do give him is angrily rejected or leads to fresh accusations of how he perceives I have wronged him. I tried to engage him in some ordinary chit chat to try to lift his mood and suggested we could be friends, but he simply isn’t able to have a normal conversation anymore. He reverts to the same repetitive set of phrases about suicide etc as if it is now a compulsion. Suicide is serious stuff. It is best for professionals (emergency responders or trained doctors) to handle it. Since he hasn't committed suicide in the many years you've known him, it is probably more likely that he is using such claims to pressure you into continuing contact, to your distress. Can you admit that really you can't "help" him? Ponder this: By continuing to respond to his emails (or texts or calls) you are actually enabling him to continue contact. By continuing to respond, you might even be legally negating your request for him to stop contacting you. Does it make sense - as prior efforts have failed - to send him one last and truly final communication informing him, again, to stop contacting you, instead contact professional help, and that you are henceforth blocking his emails, texts and calls? Be forewarned he may try to use other emails or other phone numbers to undermine your stronger boundaries. You deserve some relief, some peace in your life. Title: Re: Life is cheap in Casablanca Post by: Hope Springs on June 23, 2022, 09:08:49 AM Suicide is serious stuff. It is best for professionals (emergency responders or trained doctors) to handle it. Since he hasn't committed suicide in the many years you've known him, it is probably more likely that he is using such claims to pressure you into continuing contact, to your distress. Can you admit that really you can't "help" him Does it make sense - as prior efforts have failed - to send him one last and truly final communication informing him, again, to stop contacting you, instead contact professional help, and that you are henceforth blocking his emails, texts and calls? Be forewarned he may try to use other emails or other phone numbers to undermine your stronger boundaries. You deserve some relief, some peace in your life. Yes I now accept that I cannot help him. It’s been hard trying to hold onto my own thoughts and willpower in all this as I’m living under his constant narrative of accusations. His reasoning for what is happening is flawed and full of non sequiturs. He says it’s his right to tell me how he feels - perhaps this could be true in the early stages of relationship disagreements, but by this point it’s clear that he is in serious mental difficulties and it seems trying to brainwash me to his way of thinking. I also spoke with a charity that helps stalking victims and they said in their experience often some professional intervention is needed to stop what’s happening. I’m drafting a final letter, something along those lines now. Thanks, yes hoping for peace too :hug: |