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Is this gaslighting?… When My ex was telling me that she was hurt by the lie (which was a lie about eating sweets when I was stressed - something I’m working on and feel a lot of shame about) that I told, she said she knew in that moment that I didn’t trust her and would never trust her. (?)  And she said she was hurt that I wasn’t more vulnerable with eating and food things, even though I have been more vulnerable with her than anyone else on this planet. She used my biggest vulnerability as the cause for her hurt, so it was my fault. That’s gaslighting right?… I don’t think she did it on purpose, I don’t think it was malicious, but maybe that’s  what it was?

This isn't gaslighting, which is a deliberate, planned effort to make you doubt reality.

You told a lie because this is one of your core coping mechanisms about which you feel vulnerable and shame about. She took this as you not trusting her with anything which is ridiculous, and it says a lot about her core shame ("I'm worthless and untrustworthy") rather than you.

Thanks Turkish.