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After a 2+ year relationship, earlier this year\...My ex broke up w me, blindside for the 2nd time, and we have been in no contact for 6 months. He didn't remove from from the maps, media, likes my stuff. First b/u he was sad, anxious, defeated and super caring.

Now--He was very avoidant, seemed angry, blamed for me not giving him space in the 1st breakup(he took 3 weeks not seeing me devestated, we spoke all the time, followed his lead, etc..said I was helping so much, etc etc;  said doing what we are doing now made IT all worse and we're done, he doesn't want to do this; Said he needed to heal and get better and move on from the relationship but this won't fix his problem.  Just blamed me for all of this...This happened as I walked out his door at midnight. after a great night,  after I was away for 2 weeks and just returned...

I was in shock, didn't say much...teared up. And he Got mad at me for crying (awkward and that is all I do..not true..only once before at the 1st blindside)..and he got mad bc I had nothing to say (I was in shock); also mad at me bc I asked him about his problem and should have known he did't want to talk about it. <I am not sure if there is some trauma...I asked what the problem was THREE TIMES when he said I can ask him anything to understand the b/u  the year before ...nothing since then)

I think he is quiet BP, and undiagnosed, and feels he has this. I never thought we would not speak bc he normally is in control of himself..'Everything is ok'. He is usually gentle, I felt like his #1,...for 2+ years. Really good relationship so I thought.

Question:  It was a different person. I have never seen him like this. Likes my media, ignores bday, etc (makes other distant people HBD stories), etc.   Yesterday I accidentally pressed somethig on my app and it contacted him..Could have died but meant nothing..I was not reaching out.
 He texted and asked why..I told him. But he was indifferently very cold. I was shocked after thinking by 6 months he would be better.  I believe he is completely avoidant to me or deactivated badly..perhaps no return

How long do splits last? 

2nd Question: I found out he also is not speaking to his best friend either now (when he dumped me, he was like a magnet w this person..even though I know he really didn't love hanging out w him..another distance friend, not real closeness)..

Is it normal to 'split' multiple people like this? In a similar time period

I also found out he got rid of his pet the week after we broke up and began (or resumed) smoke THC. 
Is this all part of a split?

I've been ok...I just feel bad about everything and the loss of my best friend, and I had these little questions..

Hi VeronicaL ::hi::

I hope this message finds you well. For people with BPD, their emotions can easily be triggered. When their emotions are swayed, they tend to sway more than for someone without BPD. It's hard to know how long people will harbor negative feelings for another. Are you wanting to reconnect with him?

People with BPD may want to break a relationship before the other out of fear or rejection, abandonment. That could explain him breaking off from his best friend and possibly pet, but it's hard to know for sure without asking the person. BPD can also affect people to be impulsive and use substances to help with their intense emotions.

Hopefully that helps. It's good to hear you're doing ok. Keep it up and do things you enjoy to keep yourself calm and happy.

Hey thank you for answering. Well, I wanted to reconnect with him on a friend level. The person is not the person I have known for 2.5 years...but that does not mean I would give up on him.  I wonder if is his mind changed forever

This is the person that I really thought would be my life friend (even if we never made as a couple...we are young).  That is the kind of relationship we had..There were not any issues that I was aware of and positive on his end (according to him). And even said he is not stopping loving me but none of this action or words feels that at all.

Unless he pretended for the last year and now hates me?

We actually had no contact for almost 6 months...and the other day. I HONESTLY accidentally contacted him via the app when  my finger hit the page I think I left the app open.  He texted me back asking me why and I gaveTMI..but I am like that. HE just seemed indifferent and cold and not like him...and it has been 6 months. I was waiting for him to delete me..but didn't...

He used to be  extremely empathetic to all..esp me..our whole time. I now know what avoidant is..I am hurt.  I had been planning to contact him in a month or 2..to sort of tell him this and clarify some wrong comments he mad that night..and clarify some of mine...and though I dont want to get back when he is like that..I just wish I we could be friends. If the circumstances down the road changed that ( and Saw him doing some work on himself..)..fine maybe..but I don't want to disconnect. I feel the longer we don't talk..we will fade. ..Then again...He is probably doing it to create the space and  destroy it all.

I don't know what to say to him and if he 'hates' me for whatever reason...does it even make sense.

So are you saying that he could have split me, the pet and his friend in a short time period? Does that really or you heard of multiple split?(I actually thought he got the pet last year when we broke up for stress...I was wondering if he was trying to get attached to something bc of how he was feeling and we broke up so he has no use..he never told me the pet appeared..oddly he never named it...and he never told me he went to get it. HE was not loving to it..)...I know something is messed up in his mind. I am so sad inside for him. I am ok about the break up..but I am sad about his mind and sad I feel like I lost him forever.

I think all you can say is that you're open to reconnecting if he is. If you've done that, it may be best to let go and focus on living your own life. I wouldn't dwell on any thoughts about what happened and why.

I can tell you care a lot for him. I also do for my uBPD wife. Probably too much. Being on this site and especially reading the book Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist helped me to get into a different mindset to care about my wife in the right way and create better boundaries to avoid enabling unwanted behaviors and give myself peace of mind. Reading the book may help you in future relationships, romantic and platonic. Be easy on yourself and enjoy life. |iiii

Thank you!