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Title: Moving to a new board Post by: NonnyMouse on July 13, 2022, 07:07:54 AM Married for 21 years, uBPDw has been serious about divorce for two years. I found out about BPD and started using all the tools. Relationship changed remarkably for the better, but it was too late. So I'll been on this board now!
Worried about effect of divorce and BPD on children (6 and 11). And really angry at the thought of her getting a big settlement! She did a little bit of admin half heartedly at the start of my business, but she plays that up into her being some Richard Branson figure! Title: Re: Moving to a new board Post by: alterK on July 13, 2022, 03:34:47 PM Ahh...Indeed, not fun, Mouse.
Suggest you read "Splitting" by Bill Eddy. It has a lot of specific advice about divorcing someone with personality problems. Title: Re: Moving to a new board Post by: SinisterComplex on July 13, 2022, 04:02:54 PM Post and vent as much as you need to. Obviously, this fam will have your back as you progress in your journey.
Sometimes you just have to have the approach S :cursing: happens and it is what it is. I'll be keeping tabs on you. Cheers and best wishes! -SC- Title: Re: Moving to a new board Post by: NonnyMouse on July 14, 2022, 03:33:10 AM Thanks all!
And a new reading list! Title: Re: Moving to a new board Post by: Couper on July 19, 2022, 04:31:13 PM And really angry at the thought of her getting a big settlement! She did a little bit of admin half heartedly at the start of my business, but she plays that up into her being some Richard Branson figure! In a similar boat and, being self-employed, trying to rationalize some of the same things. Below is pasted a post I made elsewhere recently. Maybe something in there will help you. Being in business you already know -- find yourself a lawyer that understand business. It's amazing how many don't: Maybe I can provide you a few angles I have thought up that have made this portion of things easier for me to swallow. I'm pretty number conscious and also in the beginning stages of trying to calculate myself out of my own mess. If you take what it will cost and divide it out over your remaining life expectancy (for me that's about 40 years, but hopefully more) it looks like a bargain. If my uBPDw were to stay those remaining 40 years, she would cost me a good bit more per annum than I'll have to pay her up front right now. Not to mention that at the end of those 40 years, what it divides out to won't look like nearly as much as it does today because our money simply won't go as far. I also have kids and I know my uBPDw would put part of what she gets into a house or the IRA that I set up for her. If there's anything left at the end of her days, it will go to our kids, so I rationalize part of it as my kids getting their inheritance in an alternate way. If you needed a lifesaving operation, you would likely find it much easier to part with the money -- I look at what I'm pursuing in that light. If I don't do it and stay, I'm not going to make it another 40 years. I can feel the weight of everything physically taking a toll on me. What good will having all that money in the bank do me then? She's going to wind up with it anyway. Lastly, a favorite quote from an old timer: "Anything that can be fixed with $100 bills isn't really a problem!". |