BPDFamily.com

Hey all.  I am not coping well with no contact.  It has been about two weeks.  I cracked and sent her a picture on social media that she liked but it did not amount to anything.  It was dumb of me but I was wondering how other people manage to deal with no contact, especially dealing with the uncertainty of how the other party may be feeling about you.

Hey! I'm replying to say I have been in no contact situations before. I feel for you.

Would you mind elaborating on what you mean by you are not coping well? Also, what is your main intention (to move on, to get back together, to be friends)?


I can think of a few things that helped me manage no contact situations.

Reading through posts on this website written by people in a similar situation to mine (broken up, wishing for more contact, not sure how to proceed) helped me form a more down-to-earth, realistic view of the situation. I also got really invested in my job. When I am at work, I don't think about the situation very often. I make sure to eat well, sleep plenty, and exercise regularly, even if it's just a 10 minute walk. Also, I ease off the caffeine because it makes my anxiety worse. Although it certainly felt sometimes like I was going through the motions without really getting anywhere, I was able to gently shift my focus from the situation back to my life and how I felt.

So why does it matter how the other person thinks or feels about you? To clarify I am asking you to explain it from your own perspective and your own feelings. What exactly are you looking for?

Now, the other part to this is that you should not be so hard on yourself and be so negative with your thinking that what you did was dumb. You are human and have feelings and S :cursing: happens...so please be kind to YOU and cut yourself some slack okay. Also, keep in mind everyone has their own way of doing things and their own timelines so don't get caught up in well this person fill in the blank or this person did this fill in the blank. Only worry about you, how you feel, and what you think of yourself. You have to empower yourself first and foremost.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

To answer both of you, ideally I would like to work towards reconciling.  I suppose that is why it matters to me how she is feeling about me.  Whether reconciliation is even possible or something she will want to try, I obviously do not know.  I know there is very little I can do but focus on myself but it is difficult to do so when all I hope for is for her to reach out to me and to discuss us.

So ok you know what you want. That is fine. However, it takes two to tango so therefore you have no control over how this plays out. All you can do is go about your business as if you two are done and she is never coming back. Now if she reaches out you let her make the moves. Do not be desperate. You let her come and go as she pleases but you continue to focus on yourself and improve yourself. If you try to force things they will turn combustible and you'll end up hurt and starting all over again.

So focus on a new and novel hobby. Make it a passion and through yourself into it. Be open to her coming back, but don't sit around waiting for it to happen. Live your life and fill it with interesting activities.

Yes I understand how hard all this and I understand it is not easy. It isn't. I am just trying to help you through your journey.

Keep your head, be kind to YOU and please take care of yourself.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-