BPDFamily.com

I’m not sure which forum to put this in but I figured some people who are struggling may want to read it for some hope/motivation. I know I would have liked to have read something similar at certain points over the last few months.

Basically my BPD ex girlfriend broke up with me during a splitting episode 2 months ago. This wasn’t the first time she’s done it and it usually comes when I try to exert boundaries. If you read all the ‘how to get your ex back’ websites you notice a common theme on how the best approach is. I’ve had my heart broken a few times over the years so I’ve always handled being broken up with quite well. With the most recent break up I pretty much just accepted it and went no contact. I didn’t delete her from social media, but I did ‘hide’ her and all of her close friends and family. I wished her well in her life and basically gave myself permission to only do what was best for me. This meant no calls, no texts, no snooping on her socials. I blocked her out and didn’t feel guilty about it.

Periodically over the last 2 months (I’d say fortnightly) she would send some insignificant text, or like my posts, or call about work. I always answered, politely, but cutting any conversation very short. I think the most texts I sent was 2. Every time I got the urge to message or speak to her I added it to a note on my phone. It’s actually quite cringe looking at it now some of the things I was considering saying to her. I’m so glad I sent none of it.

Over the last two months I have solely focused on me. I have hit the gym 6 times a week, eaten clean, I have climbed mountains, I have got a promotion at work, I’ve done a sky dive, and I went on a party holiday with friends. I posted pictures doing this, but none with other girls or obvious jealousy bait. I have spoken to other women and have added a few to my socials. I’m not ready for a relationship but I have been out and I have mingled (second month, nothing in the first). I feel so confident in myself and that I’ve grown 6 inches taller.

Today I got quite a long message from my ex partner saying she missed me, loved me, I looked like I was ‘doing really well’, and she was ‘made up for me’. She wanted to meet ‘as friends’, as we had been through so much together. She said she thought about me everyday and wondered if I ever thought of her. I really wasn’t expecting this.

I left it a few hours and said I’m happy to meet as friends. So we went for a drink. Here she started to open up saying she knew she had blown it, and basically wanted to turn the clock back. I told her that I was concentrating on myself and the last two months had been needed for both of us. She asked about other women and became visibly upset when I said I had been meeting new people. She also said she was secretly annoyed about how good I was looking, and was hoping I’d have gotten fat!

The night ended with her basically putting it on me and saying whatever I wanted, it was up to me. Rightly or wrongly we hooked up.

Being honest, I miss her terribly, but I don’t think I can be drawn back into something that messes with my head so badly. She states that she is mentally in a much stronger place, but I have heard all this before. The love bombing was pretty intense, and had I not experienced this with her previously, I’d be back with her already.

I think the purpose of me writing this is to give those looking for a second chance a ‘success’ story and how it happened. I’ve been proud of how managed to stick to the advice, and it’s given me a real feeling of ‘power’ (not over her, but over myself). Those of you that are hurting, just remember to keep your dignity, as even if they don’t come back, you feel awesome about yourself. I was at the point where I thought not hearing from her was better. My life felt much less stressful.

My situation had no third party or triangulation, but her splitting can be very intense. I’m going to keep pushing forward alone for now, but it’s worth listening to the experts and genuinely focusing on ‘you’ if you do want that second chance. I found listening to a guy called Craig Kenneth on YouTube really helpful. He motivates you to remain in no contact (minus replying) and honestly, his advice has worked to a ‘T’. Check him out.

It sounds like you’ve improved your well being and in doing so, are more likely to meet a woman who is more of a match to your emotional intelligence.  :wee:

Thanks for taking the time to write this post!