BPDFamily.com

So my wife has been dealing with some drama in the community, completely unrelated to our family or me.  I could tell she was upset about something that happened in her group.

Once this happened she started going after me.  Yelling,  telling me I'm unreliable and no good, we have nothing in common.  Basically taking her group anger out on me when I had done nothing.

I basically chose not to engage and let her do her own thing.  I wasn't going to fight or defend myself over nothing.

Today, I guess to up the conflict she says she's not going on the vacation we have planned in a few weeks, that's just great we already paid, and she's thinking about filing divorce next week.

How do you handle this crap?  I'm to the point of saying fine do it, but that might just make it worse.  We have a house and kids.

I’ve read many stories on here about such threats. It is so hard because if you allow the pwbpd to have that power then it’s like they win and you lose. And they often do crazy things too, seemingly to punish us. In my own case, I had left the room due to not liking how my wife spoke to me and she demanded I return or she would cancel our upcoming trip. It was just an air bnb in our home country but an important trip to see a new house a long way away. She did indeed cancel the trip, to my horror and disgust. I said very little in reaction (I didn’t actually believe her until she showed me the email).
And then the next day she re-booked it. I was glad I didn’t let her have her way ordering me around. It was another small victory on a long road. These days she generally treats me with more respect as I have changed how I am around her. She hasn’t mentioned divorce for a very long time. I credit the amazing team here with helping me to save my marriage.

My uBPDw has threatened separation, leaving with the kids, or divorce our entire marriage.

My most therapist during early sessions confidently stated that uBPDw would never leave or divorce. And over the years we tested the threats/bluffs. The T was right.

That was a small yet impactful observation that started me down the road learning about and understanding BPD partners.

These threats were scary and triggered me with so much fear because I'm from a childhood of multiple divorces and uBPDw had a previous marriage and subsequent divorce.

These threats are now much less scary or not a scary at all (especially the grand anger and off the rails threats) because I'm no longer working in a place of fear.

Not easy but I'm working it.

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