BPDFamily.com

so a little follow-up.. she contacted me earlier this month. The day before or during July 4th Weekend. She still repeats the stuff she said but the blaming me shifted to someone else. She said and claims she keeps me around - because as she harped on ad nauseam -  I was there for the worst day in her life red-flag... I have been "acquaintance zoned". Which I dont mind. Her friend she talks to who she says is a counselor of some sort - told her to do something called "burn letters". She asked me to help her with some divorce paperwork. I did it for her, she all had to submit. Shes like "oh Im never getting married again..." Last night she calls and is like "oh maybe I should I enjoyed being married".

Im not entertaing anything from her.. Im just listening. I dont want her back or anything from her (I could use the money I loaned her but I know that never will come back to me"...

I’m sure you know about the sunk cost fallacy. https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/the-sunk-cost-fallacy

What Cat said, LB. She is softening you up for a recycle. Maybe her current relationship not going well?
Anyway, your problem has an easy solution. Just hint you want your money back. You will never see her again.
 :hug: :hug:

I know that :) But explaining it to an 85 yr old mother who keeps on saying "it wasn't your money, I gave it to you, to give to her". thats my other issue (for another day) onset dementia and parkinsons. She went as far as going to my old pediatrician to give her a letter to send to HMO to in essence - cease and desist saying how "Shes fit as a fiddle and has no mental or physical ailments". while the mental thing is an issue.

She also said to me in a conversation how someone else she has her claws in - she borrowed money from, but paid them back. I dont know why I am any different.. as I said.. 3 yards distance

Oh its not. She had a drug addict who is also a firefighter live with her which went south, her logic "she keeps me around because I was there..for the worst day of her life".. Which she repeats on nausem. Like a "Groundhog Day" movie with her. She expressed fully she dont want anything and to be honest - Im beyond happy with that. What I do want is (just to be a jerk) a consultation fee for doing her divorce paperwork again. (shes like oh I never want to marry again - and in the next breathe - I dont mind being married)...

She'll keep engaging as long as she needs you, either logistically or emotionally.

I used to still get hugs a few years after our split. That seemed to stop when I refused to loan her $25k to dig herself out of credit card debt 3 years ago. We get along for the most part, but it's like business partners as parents.

Detachment is on our courts, not theirs.

I got nothing to give. I dont even reciprocate a comment or opinion. I just let her talk and listen and provide zero to none feedback.  I think eventually she will go away like she did a year and a half ago..

**UPDATE**
She wakes me up from my deep sleep - just to repeat and rehash, as shes doing this - shes texting someone - and planning the same things she did with me and speaking her plans out loud  (what she use to do with me when she was with me) what is the objective behind this? I have something I promised to give her. I think after I do this - Im going to seal Pandoras box back up and throw it overboard. I reached a level where Im asking myself - why did I bother getting involved. I gave her the example - when roads get bumpy do you quit driving ? she didnt get the connotation. Her response was "go on different roads" but she dont get shes been on billions of roads. I stopped trying to understand her..

LB for your own sanity its time to pull the plug. This will continue on repeat and will never change. This is one of those things that tends to be common among BPD sufferers...you are the emotional dumping ground. However, you are not family and you have no obligation or responsibility. Choose yourself and move on.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

I think that's the advice I will take. TY...