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Title: I am feeling hatred from my family and I feel like a stranger Post by: wilsondrake on August 02, 2022, 10:29:52 AM Lately, my family has started to disown me because of the fact that there are a lot of issues going on in my house because of my sister who has a BPD.
I keep trying to guide her and my parents for their good, but they feel like I am their enemy. I completely get the situation but such things are making me feel the psychological impact on my mental health. What should I do to continue to help and also stay safe from deteriorating health? Title: Re: I am feeling hatred from my family and I feel like a stranger Post by: khibomsis on August 03, 2022, 04:58:14 PM :hi: , wilsondrake, and welcome to the family! I am sorry for what brings you here, but happy that you found us. You will get more responses if you post on the Parents, siblings and in-laws board (second from the top).
Are you in therapy? Sounds to me like you need support through a difficult and challenging time of pain and growth. When we change, our families often try to force us back into the old mold. Because it has worked for them being with the old you. Therapy can help you stay strong and continue individuating. You can't control other people, you can only control your response to them. You can choose behaviour that is good for you, that cares for self. They will choose what they will choose. That's the bottom line. :hug: Title: Re: I am feeling hatred from my family and I feel like a stranger Post by: livednlearned on August 05, 2022, 10:48:37 AM What should I do to continue to help and also stay safe from deteriorating health? Do you feel comfortable sharing some of the ways in which you've tried to help? Maybe we can share things that have or haven't worked in our own situations. I've had to learn over the years how to be effective. Sometimes that means stealth *) Title: Re: I am feeling hatred from my family and I feel like a stranger Post by: Riv3rW0lf on August 05, 2022, 12:02:13 PM I keep trying to guide her and my parents for their good, but they feel like I am their enemy. I completely get the situation but such things are making me feel the psychological impact on my mental health. What should I do to continue to help...? Welcome ! So... Drawing from my own experience, when I was detached from BPD mother and living my life, she would, on purpose it often seemed, create drama into her own life to reel me closer. I have been taught, from a young age, that she needed saving. My brothers have the chance to "stay" in rescuer mode. In my case though, she ensures I rescue her, and then she splits me and act as if I am persecuting her... So the best way forward for me, for my health, ended up to stop helping. I do the same with my brother, who I suspect also has BPD. He will tell me all about his issues and I will simply ask questions like : how does that make you feel? I am sorry to hear that, what are you going to do about it, any idea? But I never, anymore, provide answers and solutions. He is not my responsibility, he is a grown man. Emotional detachment is key. You will see the Karpman Triangle mentioned often here and if you go under Ressources, you can read more on it. Steer clear of the drama for your well being, as much as you can... |