BPDFamily.com

This seems to be a common theme for pwBPD when they are in rage mode. The stuff they write are filled with spite and malice. I wonder what's going on in their mind.

Good thread.

I’ve always been less surprised by the invective itself—which just feels like a version of what my pwBPD would say if I were standing in front of her at that moment—than by what happens AFTER. Don’t they read those texts again? Don’t they see the rational responses, or non-responses, and suspect how unreasonable they were being at the time?

I have actually told my pwBPD a few times to go back and read her emails and texts from a particular time, tell me if she saw anything off about them, and she has only ever found the tiniest little things—always missing the glaring evidence I expected she would be able to see.

Even in black and white, with a paper trail, they can deny it.

It's their love language.    :)

It's one of the effects of splitting. They have split you black -- it feels real in the moment (feelings = facts) and poor impulse control (which not all pwBPD experience) can cause text raging.

After returning to baseline, the feelings subside and it's too shameful to take accountability for those behaviors.

A volcano erupted and they lacked the skills to manage an intense eruption of feeling.

How do you respond when it happens?

My BPD mother doesn't do that. She doesn't really text, nor go into big long rant.

The last letter she sent me was actually messed up, but not overly messed up i.e. if she reads it again, she will just believe herself again, I am pretty sure.

However, it is filled with blame and doesn't open the door to conversation or problem solving.. it is just her and her vision, with no place for me. It's filled with past resentment toward other people projected on me, mixed with a bit of truth between us, just to make it believable...

It is a thread of emotions, black to white, white to black, with pain, acceptance, rage, resentment... Just a vortex of sorrow...

It's never over aggressive... It's highly manipulative though, and never does she ever truly looks at herself, takes responsibility for her actions and words, nor seem interested in my truth.

So I told her : if you want a good discussion with me, I think you should have someone else read your emails before you send them, to take out the blame and projections out of them.

She never wrote again.

All this to say : might it depend on the generation and tech skills? My mom simply doesn't text much...nor emails much. I felt special to receive this "love letter" by email. LOL