BPDFamily.com

 :help: I truly need help and advice for my marriage. We are in a really tough situation, we both have ADHD and she has BPD.

She has recently started taking vyvanse for her ADHD which I also take it as it really helps my daily focus, but I feel lately the last month or two it has made things horrible on her end. It seems the pill and maybe our situation has deeply affected her. Her patience with me is paper thin. There are blowups left and right and I constantly walk on eggshells and when she is triggered I go into survival mode .

We also just bought a house together which I am the sole provider so I am very financially stressed which makes me not as attentive I would say. This has also probably put a ton of stress on her as well.

Anyways, I am just at a loss of where to go and what to do from here. I need help, I need friends who understand, I need a place to talk, and a place to grow myself as well.

I want to be better for her in many ways I know I fail and lack and I want to understand so I can avoid so many triggers and help make a life for her that she can experience trust, love and so much more with me and that I can have the same as well without losing myself in all of it.

I feel like I have lost a lot of me… I pretty much just accept anything and everything she wants as it is to avoid any possibility of triggering her or pissing her off, which clearly does not work and I still F up all the time because I am human and I need help too!

So reaching out and hoping this is a place that can help.

Hi anon and welcome,
The people in this group are amazing, I’m glad you found us. Do as much reading as you can on here. I’ve completely changed the way I relate and communicate with my dbpd wife and actually the whole way I live my life. Our relationship has improved and my wife doesn’t even know I’ve learnt all this stuff, but she is much calmer and has more respect for me since I stopped desperately trying to please her. It took time, but was worth it. The best book I’ve read was “stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist”. I found it really helpful to discuss specific situations on this forum and I’ve learnt so much from everyone. That’s why I changed my name from “broken person” to “thankful person”. Good luck!

Hi,

I am going through a lot of the same dynamics and feelings as you. I have ADHD and my H (husband) has ADHD too and uBPD (undiagnosed BPD). [Key tip, check out the post in the top 50 that has all the acronyms in it. I had no idea what people were writing about at first.]

I want to recognize how stressful it is to be the sole provider, the one walking on eggshells, wanting to grow to be better but feeling so lost yourself, wanting it all just to stop being so hard. I identify with you very much. It is a good first start to have found this group. In just a few days I've found others who understand my situation and have offered good insight and resources.

While I'm very new to the message board too, know you are NOT alone in this. Use this group as a resource, I have and I feel more like myself and able to make rationale decisions.

Are you in therapy? I am seeing someone twice a week and it is really helping me make sense of things and reaffirming my needs.

Make sure to take care of yourself, emotionally and physically too. I was neglecting myself for so long for him or the relationship and I have NO battery left for me. "Preserve Your Emotional Health" is really important. What are you doing to surround yourself with other family/friends who allow you to think rationally and have time to be away from your spouse? Are you working out? What do you do for YOU? I feel right there with you!

Just a few thoughts of mine. I hope you find this place to be helpful. Welcome from one new person to another. We will be ok!