BPDFamily.com

Hi all, I normally hang out over in the parents/siblings wBPD board. However, I am hopping over here to ask a question about my 9 year old niece. I am becoming very concerned about her, and I am wondering how young the traits of BPD can start to be seen?

She has been a very sensitive and emotional child always, and I remember all of us laughing it off as the terrible two's, or her being a  "three-nager" etc... but then it never ended. At nine years old (and before) she is ultra-sensitive and has wild mood swings at the drop of a hat. Constantly seeking affirmation -- "do you like my shoes? do you think I did good on this project? mine is better than my brothers, right?" etc. Sulky and it really does feel like walking on egg shells to not upset her. Then yesterday she told me she had picked at a bug bite intentionally to make herself bleed, because she wanted to look at blood under the microscope. Maybe that isn't an abnormal thing, I don't know (my kid isn't this old yet) but it threw some self-harm red flags for me.

The family has had a lot of change in her lifetime (moving states more than once) but the other kids in the family seem to have adapted just fine.

I'm trying to decide whether I should say anything to her parents about possibly looking into a PD... or just let it go for a few more years and see if she settles down? Seeking any insight about how young BPD traits can be seen in kids, and how to handle this.

Hi WalkbyFaith
If you google a little on child development I think you will see that children should be able to regulate emotions quite well by four or five. Often when a child first starts full time school they can be pretty good at school and very emotional when they get home - but that is well within the 'normal' range of things.

I suppose there are a couple of flags: wanting to be the centre of attention is one, mood swings the other.

But these things don't necessarily add up to BPD - but still are a worry.

The other thing is whether you should say anything to her parents.

Can I ask whether BPD or any other mental health issues are in your family or your niece's 'other' side of family? Also is your niece your sister or your brother's child?

There is a lot to think about before taking the step to chat about your concerns because it can create divisions in the long term, and not result in a benefit.

I think I would need to know more details before I could decide what the best option would be in this situation.

Thanks for posting.

It sounds like she is an HSP or a “spirited” child, and could have some sensory processing issues, as my 5 y old son does. This is something her parents could discuss with your niece’s doctor and get a referral for an evaluation by an occupational therapist. My son been seeing an OT for the past month and is doing much better in terms of emotion regulation.

It’s a bit of a red flag for me that her parents aren’t concerned about this though, so they might dismiss your concerns.

Here’s a good article on sensory processing issues: https://childmind.org/article/sensory-processing-issues-explained/

Another area of exploration for you could be Bowenian family systems theory and understanding the parental projection process, which is when parents project their emotional problems onto one of their children: https://www.thebowencenter.org/family-projection-process

It's very unlikely a nine-year-old would get a BPD diagnosis (or even be assessed for one).

Historically, BPD was mostly diagnosed in patients 18 and up. It's pretty recent that younger teens are now being diagnosed with it, 12 or 13 being the youngest (I think).

That's not to say there isn't a predisposition or risk factors for developing a personality disorder or that the child should not be assessed by a clinician for emotional or behavior issues.

Hello, sorry for a much later reply.

I wanted to say that every symptom your niece has my D has also exhibited from a young age.  But as others said, they won't diagnose someone as young as 9 with BPD and she may not develop it anyway.  I just wish I had seen these as symptoms for something mental health related when my D was young so we could have gotten early intervention and potentially helped her (if possible) from developing BPD. 

That said, I see so many parents who don't recognize these as symptoms (including me) and I wonder if someone had said something to me about my D if I would have listened and looked into it more.  I think I would have by my DH would have ignored it. 

Anyway, wishing you all the best.

I would really like to reiterate this advice. Children evolve at different rates and in different contexts.

This is really something that requires a holistic approach is local and contextual. 

Rev