BPDFamily.com

Haven't posted in quite a while.  Had something happen last week I thought I'd share.  We had an argument on Tuesday about the normal things.  I don't try hard enough for her, am ignoring and neglecting her, all the normal things.  On Wednesday she comes in from work, I am getting supper ready for us and the kids before church, just normal things.  That night she hugs me and tells me should could tell how much effort I was putting in that day to try and make things better and was thanking me for it.  I was lost because I had behaved the same way I do everyday including the previous day when we had fought about all the usual stuff.  She even said maybe you didn't make an effort but that it would still be a good thing because she was at least feeling that way about how I acted.  The very next day I get grilled because my "efforts" only lasted for one day.  She didn't understand why I wasn't still making an effort on Thursday.  I told her that I was acting the same way as I always do and the same way that I had the previous day.  And I was.  I had not done anything different those three consecutive days but I got three completely different reactions.  I know it's to be expected but it's the first time she has ever had the "things are getting better" reaction and claimed it was because of me.  Normally when she has a good day she is adamant about how it is a result of her and what she is doing.  So this threw me off a little bit.  I'm guessing people see this all the time but just wanted to see how others have experienced this.  Thanks

Thats how they attempt to control,  when your getting praise and raised on the pedistal it is just to make the next cutdown and fall harder.  Dont buy into it either way.  And the fact that you did nothing differently but they characterize it completley differently is part of keeping you off balance and confused about how and what your doing so they can always be the arbitors of what is real.  Dilude your consistent sense of reality then you will fall for any of their crap, is the idea. 

It used to keep me off balance, but for the last 2 years or so it hasn't.  I've become so fed up with everything I either ignore it or call it out.  Both responses set her off.  Gets mad when I ignore it and gets mad if I call it out.  The threat of divorce has been prominent for the last year or so. Always brings it up during confrontation.  I just told her a few min ago that she can drop that stuff because it has just become a crutch for her.  I'm sure that will make her mad too lol

That is called SPLITTING.  Usually lasts anywhere from a few minutes to better part of a day.

For more details, google "Borderline Splitting" for tons of articles on it.