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I live many states away from my family. Holidays with bpd MIL are a teeth-gritting landmine. This year, my kids moved in with their dad and they're not speaking to me. I'm trying to mentally prepare and maybe you are too? I thought it would be good to share traditions we've started with our chosen families as a way to support each other.

I have four friends who don't have family to celebrate with, either by choice or because they're in a different country. Our big Thanksgiving celebration is Friendsgiving. My husband spends all day smoking turkey, we make lots of food. I buy every person a personalized Christmas ornament. The first year felt weird but over time, people starting asking about Friendsgiving and they want their ornaments lol

Christmas will be a tough one without my kids but I'll sustain traditions with my stepkids.

1. Kids have their own boxes of ornaments and they put them on the tree every year. (When they move out, they'll take their ornaments with them to start their own tree.)
2. We're a blended family so to avoid conflicts, we always celebrate our Christmas on Christmas eve.
3. Everyone opens one present on Christmas eve eve. When kids were little, they always opened new pajamas and we slept in the living room by the tree.
4. Once stepkids take off to their mom's, H and I take off to the beach as a happy distraction from an empty house.

Sustaining joy and creating new memories is not for the faint of heart and it takes preparation. Let's go, fellow holiday warriors! I'd love to hear your ideas and how you plan to take care of yourself this season!

Interesting thread, especially since I currently have young kids, and so we are getting started on our traditions here... Who knows, I might end up adopting one of your traditions as my own !

- I always gift my H a cup with photos of the last year on it, of us and our children. He uses the cup for a year, then it goes in an open decorative cupboard, as a year marker.
- We are waiting for our children to be a bit older to gift them, every year, one board game, then I'm hoping we will be playing together as a family on the 25th. I'm starting this tradition this year with D, but S is still too young
- So building up on the second item, the morning of the 25th is reserved for our family, to unwrap our gifts to our children and play with them, have a Christmas brunch. Only H, our two children and I... And our cat! But no extended family.

We also have special desserts, from my mother's side, that I bake every year...I won't be seeing BPD mother this year, I am not ready but I do plan to honor her by teaching my children how to bake those special Christmas desserts...

To those desserts, I added a day of Gingerbread man baking that we decorate as a family.

The traditions run over the whole month of December, really...  :(

What??? I love these ideas! So creative!


RW, this is such a special way to show your love for your mom. Melts my heart. I also love that you're building special memories for your core family. Thanks for sharing.

I pull in heritage and family history as I can. I grew up in Bolivia eating palmitos/palm hearts for holidays, so I always make sure we have a plate of pickles, palmitos and olives. Mom grew up in Japan and her side eats sushi during family get togethers.

It's fun to hear some of the different traditions to look forward to and how you create your own joy around this time of year.

My husband and I have started a the tradition each year on Christmas Eve's Eve, going to a local drive through Christmas light spot. It's a large display that we purchase a ticket for and drive through to view Christmas lights timed to a local radio station.

About two weeks before Christmas we bake and decorate cookies that we share with neighbors and I contribute to purchasing gifts to families in need at the school I work at. It's a couple nice ways to participate in what the holidays are all about for me.

We also do a friendsgiving. Some years it's traditional turkey and sides...and others, like this year, taco theme!

I can't remove past difficult memories around some holidays but I can reduce the noise they make in my memory by adding on good memories and fun now that I'm more in control of creating these memories. We still see my mom with BPD most thanksgivings and each Christmas...but it's just one small part of the many other traditions we have created.

We have three adult children living in other cities, so we've adjusted holiday traditions according to who will be at our house for which holiday.

A nearby, large garden (one of the best in tbe Southeast) has a walk-through holiday lights display from Thanksgiving through New Year's Day -- it is spectacular! We are in Coastal Alabama, so it often is 70-75 degrees for holidays.

I no longer decorate as much as I used to -- there was a time I put up 8 trees of various sizes! But with granddaughters in different cities, what I ended up doing was to buy a very nice, wooden Advent calendar with doors and drawers and put a treat in it for each day -- it might be small costume jewelry, a dollar bill, a gift card,or candy. The older one doesn't do it anymore, but now we have the 6-year-old excited about it.

Forgive the possible gender stereotype, but is this more of a female thing, being creative and thinking of others like everyone should be? How much input do your male SOs have? I feel like a bad parent now... the only thing we did was the elf on the shelf. Then our new Big Puppy chewed its head off and that was that.

My H's tradition is to buy Bailey's and start spicing up his morning coffee, does that count ?  :(

He did came up with a tradition that isn't at Christmas but is Christmas relatrd: when we travel or visit something fun and they are selling Christmas tree as decoration, we have to buy one, as a marker. Otherwise he participates in the cookie decoration activity... But I don't recall him starting one yet.. he just told me he thinks traditions can't be thought of, they just happen.

The board game one did came up from our need to chill out on the 25th as opposed to running from on place to another... And evaluate we loved away for a long time and both realized we really enjoy spending the 25th between us. Not really a tradition, mostly a refusal to partake into the stress of Christmas.

hahahahaaaaa poor Elf

My H has a similar tradition of buying Christmas ornaments or mugs from places when we travel. He helps cook food, clean for company, and he always gets me a bunch of stocking stuffers for my stocking, but I've always been the one to drive the traditions.

I value not buying into the commercialism and celebrating holidays in nontraditional ways, and we've done that, especially as our kids get older. I also know my kids love the traditions. First person that finds the pickle ornament on the tree gets to open the first present, and then that person picks a gift for someone else. Traditions give kids a sense of repetition, foundation, family and history, almost a sense of belonging that I think they value, especially in a blended family. Even a small tradition, as long as it's repeated, can have that impact. 

Good luck on turkey day, all, we can do this.  :hug: :wee:

Turkish- please don't feel bad. I am low key at holidays. I do cook food but I am not big on decorating. Some of my female friends are really into it but it's their doing. The husbands don't do a lot with it. I think a lot of it is family traditions. BPD mother didn't do lot either.

I think for my friends, their mothers did it and they are carrying on their family traditions and making the same memories for their kids. It meant a lot to them, so they want to do it too. My friend bakes her mother's cookies every Christmas and things like that, as the love and memories are a part of that. I do more than I grew up with but relative to my friends, not a lot on the decorating part. Food, gifts and lots of love, yes, but the traditions are unique to each family and special in their own way.

Turkish, your love and being with your kids is the most important part :) The rest- all  part of it but you do it your way.

Can I steal that one ? Always looking for ways to start the present exchange ! That sounds nice !

so happy you like it! It is so fun, enjoy :)

I've never tried elf on the shelf - I'm way too inconsistent and wouldn't keep it up. I do appreciate the funny things people make the elf do. :) NW, I'm not good at the holiday cooking/baking thing. Some of my friends make trays and trays of cookies. My holiday cooking is a begrudging dinner the day of lol

Didn't realize it until yesterday, but my husband has always pulled up Christmas movies while we're decorating the tree. I would never think of doing that. It's pretty fun to have National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation playing in the background.

We watch Love Actually every year -- I never tire of it.