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Started hanging out with this girl, absolute stunner which seems to be so common with bpd these days, so of course I got attracted hard. Within a couple days of talking she was already spending the night at my place every night. She didnt sleep in my bed though. For the first 3 weeks or so, we slept separately. Her on the couch, me on the bed. I was literally just going with the flow. We weren’t romantic yet.

After about a month of this, she decides “I’m going to start sleeping in bed with you.” Of course I say that sounds great, lol.

Still no romance but cuddling me hard every night. This went on for about a week. Finally after about a week of this, she gets close and touchy and starts sitting on my lap and kissing me and says she wants to hook up so we do. We have a weekend of intimacy.

So after these 2-3 days of closeness, she wakes up cold and distant. I can tell something is off. It’s like she’s a different person. I don’t complain or bring it up, but obviously things have changed. She spends the night in my bed again (this is Monday i think) but says not to cuddle because she needs to sleep. Tuesday she spends the night again, but says she wants to sleep on the couch. Again, no protest behaviors from me. I go with the flow and say that’s fine.

Thats the last night she slept over. It was like a switch flipped over night. She just woke up completely detached no longer attracted to me or something. All I could think about is what the hell did I do wrong?

The following weeks she still wants to hangout, but like I said never spends the night again. She’s almost a different person entirely. She says she’s really depressed and sad and that this is her “true state” and what I saw before was not who she really is.

I tell her that I’m not going anywhere and am here for her no matter what. She says “What I need is a friend.” And I ask her what happened this past month and weekend? And she says that it was nothing and that she just does things in the moment. Obviously it’s b.s. and her bpd talking because no one healthy abruptly flips overnight. But again, I dont protest and tell her I understand and we can be friends.

So fast forward to today. It’s been 7 months since we were lovers. Still friends and hang out sometimes. I stuck around being her friend because I believes that she just needed a real friend and a long time to trust and develop a relationship. But it doesnt seem to be going that way. She never talks about other guys, but I’m sure she’s dating/sleeping with other men.

I’m trying to figure out if I’m just a sucker, or if she genuinely appreciates me. She still calls me everyday. Still wants to hangout and grab dinner a few times a week. But never anything romantic, never comes over anymore, etc. I’m always stuck between wondering if she’s using me, if she has a boyfriend, if she even has feelings for me at all. I dont know. So I’m hoping someone with bpd experience might be able to help my mind. I’m on the verge of breaking things off completely, but that might really hurt her if she has genuine feelings for me. I dont want to end the friendship if she just needs months and months to genuinely trust and commit to someone if that makes sense…

Hi and welcome :hi: It's possible she's telling the truth and just wants you as a friend, or she could be testing you to see if you'll take the initiative in the relationship -- hard to say. If you're afraid she's taking advantage of you and want to speed up the relationship process, you could be direct with her and ask her thoughts of the relationship. If she says it's only friends but you're not comfortable that way, take action. Again, this may be a test but with people with BPD, it's usually long term best to use direct, literal communication and act accordingly with logic instead of emotions because their emotions can be a roller coaster and illogical.

Also, check out the Tips link at the top of the page as it could help with your interactions.