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So my pwBPD /possible baby mother received the letter from my atty requesting a paternity test. She wasn’t happy about this and began texting me all day. Last conversation was October 23.Between then and now a child was born and a Thanksgiving Holiday with no communication.
  There was a large effort in trying to get me to call off the atty as she feels we can come to better agreements without them. Also if I agree to call them off she will come visit me with ‘the kid’ a few months from now.
  The underlying theme of our limited communication was: ‘call off the atty’
   However I followed the advice and just kept suggesting the paternity test.

 My question (and I think I know why) however:

Why would she not want to take the paternity test?

FTF, still checking up on you ;-)

I think you can answer your own question. Is there a possibility you are not the father? Now with the elephant kicked out of the way...Just to play devil's advocate in a sense, when dealing with disordered behavior there could be the possibility of well if you don't trust me then I did bad and I am bad. Now all of a sudden you are painted black and the enemy because you do not believe her. Then she has to question her own reality and if it is false she cannot handle that. See where I am going here? It can quickly become a massive spiderweb of thoughts and emotions flying all over out of control.

Stay the course though...Paternity test and stick with the attorney. Do not let your guard down!

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

And another aspect.  Once the paternity test results are released, then all ambiguity is gone, either you are the father or you aren't.  She can't string you along, whipsawing you back and forth, as though maybe you are and maybe you aren't.

If you are proven to be the father, then you can require some level of custody and some level of parenting time schedule.  Needless to say, you need to seek the most custody and parenting possible.  You already know she will not seriously cooperate and instead prevaricate and sabotage.

If you are proven not to be the father, then you can say good bye and move on with your life.

Please ensure a paternity test company is chosen that is recognized and accepted by family court.  You need to be sure your DNA and the child's DNA (and identities verified) are correctly collected.

Forever Dad has a point. As long as you think there's a possibility you are the father, you are engaged with her. If you aren't the father, you won't be. I think the underlying fear is abandonment and a need for control.  If you aren't the father, you won't be in contact. If you are the father, then you might want partial custody of the child. With ambiguity, she gets to stay in touch with you and also has control over the child.

This type of behavior doesn't make a lot of logical sense but fears are emotional. My BPD mother also withholds information and possessions from us. Sometimes it doesn't make sense unless we see it as fear and control eases fear. Sometimes she will lie to manipulate us and other times, just to throw us off track so she feels in control. She will ask if we want something of hers and then, if we say yes, she won't let us have the item. Even though we have assured her we don't visit because we want something- if we visit - it's to see her, I think she feels that as long as she holds on to something we want, we will still be in contact. Ironically, the behaviors she thinks she has to do to avoid people not contacting her and the same behaviors that push people away,

There is a third person in this situation, which can make it a triangle. If she keeps the decision about paternity and the baby, she doesn't have the risk of changing that situation. But this isn't considerate to you or the baby. It's based on her fears. But the baby is a separate person too, albeit completely dependent on her right now, but the baby will want to know who their father is and if he's a solid person, it is good for the baby to have the father be involved to the extent possible. Establishing paternity will enable this to be possible.