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Title: Does this look like a charm attempt to you? Post by: ecursev on December 06, 2022, 07:37:24 AM deleted
Title: Re: Does this look like a charm attempt to you? Post by: Tupla Sport on December 06, 2022, 08:09:09 AM What ever it is, steer clear. It is not good for you.
The tone is the sort of supposedly disarming drivel many of them use to manipulate you. She wants you to take initiative and be the hero again. This is what people who lack boundaries do. A person with boundaries would go "I wish to talk, tell me if you feel the same" and leave it at that. The ball would be in your corner. This person is almost begging to talk without begging per say. They set up an emotional minefield where if you say no to their request, they can "tell" you're abusive, not worth it etc. It's a form of sophisticated manipulation. After all that they wrote you, you kind of want to respond, no? Does it make you feel a tiny bit of an asshole if you don't? You're not, but they might make you feel like it. Title: Re: Does this look like a charm attempt to you? Post by: ecursev on December 06, 2022, 09:06:04 AM Thank you Tulpa Sport! (I'm new and not sure how to tag you)
You've made a lot of sense. btw As I'm writing this she is ambushing me outside of where my office is, and I can't leave my office. All of that from a mere "duly noted"... Title: Re: Does this look like a charm attempt to you? Post by: once removed on December 06, 2022, 04:57:58 PM no.
at best, it looks like an attempt to end things on a better note than they ended on, and be on good terms with you; sort of an "im okay, youre okay". at worst, it looks like an attempt to soothe feelings of shame and "badness" by being on good terms with you. it could be a bit of both. people with bpd traits (not limited to them, but especially people with them) can frankly have selfish underlying motivations when it comes to this sort of thing. no one really likes for a relationship to end badly or traumatically, least of all, anyone here. often times, the anger and the hurt linger, but when and if that ice starts to thaw, its natural to want to end on a better note. that sort of thing is often behind someone reaching out later down the road, rather than an attempt at reconciliation. for someone with bpd traits, being seen by you as good can be especially important in that regard. i think she said as much in the text. when it comes to bpd, there is an intense fear of rejection. this is why a lot of reach out attempts are sort of ambiguous, with plausible deniability. for example, my ex sent me a friend request, and deleted it a few hours later. i wouldnt have thought much of it, except she sent me a second one later on. im sure my ex had a lot of shame over the things she did when we broke up, and probably thought i hate her, so it took a lot for her to reach out. likewise, it took a lot for your ex to reach out. once she did, and felt rejected, she felt an intense need to reverse that sense of rejection. one way would be to devalue you, to paint you black, to say the hell with you. another would be to try harder. your ex has chosen "try harder". i guess im wondering, what would be the harm in releasing with grace? not to have a relationship of any sort, necessarily, but to say "youre okay, im okay", both of you go your separate ways, and leave it at that? Title: Re: Does this look like a charm attempt to you? Post by: SaltyDawg on December 06, 2022, 06:57:09 PM As I'm writing this she is ambushing me outside of where my office is, and I can't leave my office. All of that from a mere "duly noted"... First glance is that she was apologizing and needed some validation, or finally realized that she messed up. However, stalking you at your office is a whole different dynamic. Use your phone's video camera and document it (if it is still in progress). If she becomes more problematic, then go to your local law enforcement about this issue. |