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Even now I have hope. It's perpetual. I have hope that my ex can get better.  He's damn if he's with me and damned if we are apart.  Its been 2 weeks now since our breakup. He  told me to "Find another Borderline".
I have close family members who are cluster B. I am a conscious codependent who is gradually changing.  It's a mess. And now there is silence.  How can this silence be so loud? I really trying to have an understanding.  This is how I've been able to live life. See that there is a lot more than whats on the surface.

The silence might be very loud if you have an adrenaline addiction. I think that’s why relationships with an pwBPD are addictive. Conflict causes an adrenaline rush.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/addiction/conflict-addiction-who-it-affects-and-why-it-happens/

Adrenaline and dopamine. I noticed at the end of my relationship how even very low action and activity time with my ex was always aflame with the nervous tension of looking for a hit of dopamine in both camps. I often felt drained in advance. I might have just wanted a cozy snuggle time watching a movie after the work week but she was always in a jittery mood. Even if we sat down to do exactly that I felt this weird static electricity in the air and it often needed to resolve into a full-blown triangulation session ("God I hate thing X!" "Oh yeah, thing X is the absolute worst!" "Hell yeah!" "Hell yeah!").

Depache Mode's "Enjoy the Silence" is an awesome song.

To me, when there is silence, there is calm, there is peace, there is a lack of conflict.  Even if it is the 'calm before the storm' known as the borderline.

When silence is no more, then there is conflict and strife.  The lyrics of this song are strong.