BPDFamily.com

I am new to this so here goes. My daughter was first misdiagnosed and treated for bi-polar unsuccessfully. When she got diagnosed with BPD and I read a little about the symptoms, she had almost every single one. I have had years of walking in eggshells and tiptoeing around her and having to give her preferential treatment over my other children so much that they noticed it and it has hurt my relationships with them. This past year has been so bad that I feel like if I am not at her beck and call, agree with everything she says and does, and basically kiss up to her, she threatens to kill herself. I do not want to be responsible for my daughter taking her own life. She has tried multiple times and last time when she was sixteen she almost succeeded and was in a coma for 3 days in ICU and now has partial amnesia with her long term memory and her short term memory isn't much better. I couldn't face life if something happened to any of my children. But I can't keep living like this. I have health issues and this stress is making it worse, making me physically and mentally exhausted and sick. Please help. I don't know where to start. I go to therapy but when I tried to stand up to myself and start setting boundaries, she started freaking out on me and said she was done with me and is not speaking to me at moment. I love her and want her in my life but not with all the stress.

Good evening,
I can certainly sympathize with your situation.  Our daughter had attempted suicide many times as well, and I felt held hostage to her every demand as a teen.  At one point it was total manipulation and the NP at the in patient unit had a stern discussion with her about crying wolf and when she truly needed help she'd have burned her bridges.  They say that most BPD suicide attempts are attention seeking, however some end up being successful due to the risky nature of the situation.  I know exactly how you are feeling and am too in therapy.  What I have found to be super helpful is reading 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me' and 'Stop Walking on Eggshells'.  Both books helped me to set my boundaries firmly.  I will say that due to the setting boundaries and the not being willing to be abused any longer, it has caused her to go no contact.  It has been very difficult, however how much abuse can one withstand?  At some point you have to give your other children the time they too deserve.  I've had to redirect my emotional response on that - when I am sad and grieving the loss of the relationship or the one I wished I had, I think of my boys, the boys who have sacrificed so much to take a back seat to an ill child.  Hang in there.  Feel free to message me if you need an ear.  I joined this week, just to feel less alone in the world when it comes to having a mentally ill child/adult child.  Sending hugs momma!