BPDFamily.com

This is concerning. Seems like symptoms of female psychopathy can mimic BPD…

Over the past several years, psychopathy researchers Carl Gacono, Ted Cunliffe, and Jason Smith have analyzed many studies and conducted research into the underpinnings of female psychopathy.1,2,3
Their conclusions demonstrate that female psychopathy is rooted in malignant hysteria – a personality that is characterized by aggressiveness, attention seeking, promiscuity, an inability to form stable attachments, impulsivity, hyper–emotionality, shallow affect, superficiality, dependency and high drama. “Psychopathic women lack men’s grandiose self-structure and are not immune from experiencing themselves as damaged. They need others (e.g., pseudo-dependency, maladaptive neediness) to bolster self–esteem and obtain some sense of stability with their troubling affect.” 4[/b]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-the-female-psychopath/202211/the-link-between-malignant-hysteria-and-female

For several reasons, I have wondered if my mother was a psychopath and looked that up. The examples I have seen are that sociopathy/psychopathy are an extreme end of the NPD spectrum and the infamous Sam Vadkin on the internet has shared his perspectives on that.

I found an interesting book called "The Sociopath Next Door" which explains the more "under the radar" type. These are people who have absolutely no empathy and feel an emptiness that they fill by causing pain to someone else. While some psychopaths become criminals, there are many more who don't do it at that level, they just get their needs met by doing hurtful things to others that would not get them arrested  but may still be amoral- lying, cheating, saying mean things.

My mother hasn't gone as far as committing a crime but she doesn't seem to have a limit on her cruelty and actually seems to enjoy it. Sometimes if she sees you are feeling hurt, she actually tried to hurt you more. She seems to enjoy hurting people and is also cruel to her home health care helpers. She lies, sometimes for her own entertainment and has even bragged about it.

We have talked about overlapping spectrums and whether my mother is BPD/NPD or not. I can add sociopath to that one.  I have not read the link you posted. I bet I'd find some overlap with my mother there.

My mother does show remorse, but it is quickly replaced by blame. But she does feel shame and guilt, fleeing from those emotions is the main driver of all her dysfunctional behaviors.

I do believe pwBPD have empathy, even too much of it, and its their lack of boundaries that makes it incredibly difficult for them to differentiate between their emotions and the emotions of others, hence their fear to be "swallowed whole and lose their power". To the recipient of the pwBPD, it feels like a lack of empathy, because there is no validation, no recognition of self, but I don't think this is it. It's a blur of emotions, and an appropriation of the non's emotions by the pwBPD, without the latter being even aware of it. Anyway, that's personally what I see in my interactions with my mother.

There is a strong intensity to my mother, but it's not unnerving like I imagine psychopaths and sociopaths would be? Like... Seeing someone smiles at their own cruelty would be scary. I don't recall my mother ever doing that. She rages to push her guilt away, and she genuinely seems concerned, at times, with her own behaviors, but the second shame and guilt shows up, she blames and rages. When she truly loses control of her emotions, it does get on the verge of psychopathy, but it's a loss of control... I don't think she takes any pleasure in hurting others and will regret her outbursts, but instead of owning it, will blame the other for it.. She just can't seem to stop herself from doing it.

I can see how psychopaths could camouflage as pwBPD based on the criteria for BPD.  I take it the main difference would be the complete lack of remorse and of empathy?  Would they have cognitive empathy?

This interview was interesting. Psychopaths aren’t necessarily “evil”.

https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0bsmcipDQVIwLYmAPGCo3RaIE5Eb8aKz

My mother does smile at her own cruelty and is proud if she lies and fools someone. I haven't seen her show empathy or remorse - if she has any sadness about doing something, it's if it doesn't go her way.

She lies to get her way and she lies about other people to make you doubt them. She knows she is lying and has no remorse about it. Rather she's proud of it.

And, she's even said right to my face "I have never lied to you" and that is a lie!

Even some of her family on her side have caught on to this and some of her lies and they are angry about it.

I don't know about judging her on the good/evil continuum. I feel like that is up to God to decide and God is a much better judge of that than I am.