BPDFamily.com

 :help: After many years of luving with this my BPD daughter with dussociative episodes have split after her restraining order she issued has expired. She left her neglectful husband of 11 years. I left my 46 yr abusive husband with my daughter and my two autistic children to live together. She had been stable for 11 years but when I moved in, pouring out to herself and supporting high cost of autistic children with my divorce settlement until most of it was gone.  She invited very quickly someone she jyst met on Twitter to move in with my daughter, myself, 7 yr old non verbal wearing diapers and higher functioning verbal 11 year old. Her raging at me returned and openly raged in front if her live in sex mate. There is so much more. However, what is really going on is my daughters invented so many things againat me having me arrested (later released as social worker said I was constantly being dramatized) My daughter works at the hospital where police took me in handcuffs. All this over my leaving thus home where I was the only one home taking care of the children while they worked then went out again even after I drew boundaries. My heart bleeds at the loss of my grandchildren. I had moved from the valued person to almost being spitted on. I had no one to help me and I was alone. Now I am since September 2021living and taking care of my 89 yr old elderly father with my sister and two brothers. I also have God. My question is I dont want to contact her anymore. She took so much money from our marital funds then went through my divorce money as well. I feel I must be ready to step in when she passes (living) and step into taking care of my grandchildren. My other child a son died 2016 pancrantis paranoid schzophrenia. Now another personality has taken control of her and I was tossed out. I have guven up all hope of any mending this as my daughter is lost and I couldnt reach her anymore. The more kind and I was to her the more ahe raged. Chasing me out of my home into the woods and fields for 6 hours or more. I had no car. She had my passcode for my bank account. She was elder abusing me and when police were there I never asked them for help. I am ashamed I didnt. My ex husband now and I worked/ helped her for 16 yrs get a nursing degree so she could support herself. I could not tell her hospital where she had jyst been given a big promotion. I couldnt tell the judge about her past. I had to suck it up. I have done so many things wrong in protecting myself.
 

Hi Wudzedge
I am so sorry for the abuse and pain you have suffered. You have been there at every step of the way for your dd and some of the abuse you have endured is truly awful from what you say in your post.

I just want to make sure I have the facts correct: you now live somewhere else and help support your elderly father? You have no contact with dd?

If this is correct I am so glad that you are out of the situation. Often when we step out from an intensely emotional situation (even such a negative one) there is a huge gap in our lives - an emptiness. The reality that we might not see our child again, our grandchildren again is a pain that we carry around every minute of every day.

But we cannot go backwards on this journey. It may be helpful for your dd to have to take responsibility now. From what you say, she is a nurse, and is able to employed. But as a nurse, she is also able to be aware of any supports that might be available to your grandchildren. In other words she is in the 'care system' and therefore able to access these things.

It will be hard to 'let go' now but you have done all you can. You will feel anxious about your grandchildren and overwhelmed at times.

Try to take control of things by sending positive thoughts and love to your grandchildren- and dd if you feel you can. Focus on yourself, your physical and mental health and plan your days so that you are have to turn your mind to other things.

Most of all, remind yourself that this is a big change and it is a process -it is not going to be easy for quite a while.

In my personal experience it takes about 2 years for me to adjust to a new situation. During that time I find it very painful. During that time I keep reminding myself 'Be kind to yourself'.

I hope you can be kind to yourself now and appreciate your own unique life.