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Title: Need urgent help Post by: Bruno250 on February 03, 2023, 11:09:19 AM My bpd ex wants nothing to do with me she said to my friend. But is contacting my mum more and more frequently. Not talking about me necessarily but is starting conversation more frequently. Mum believes she’s missing me and is indirectly messaging me and letting me know what she’s doing. Need some advice and help on situation. Any thoughts will help me please!
Title: Re: Need urgent help Post by: kells76 on February 03, 2023, 11:17:50 AM Hi Bruno250, good to hear from you again.
Hopefully learning more about your ex's behaviors can help you decide what you want in your life, moving forward. I hear you describe how she's telling a friend of yours that she wants nothing to do with you, at the same time that she's talking with your mom. When "broadly normal" people have a relationship conflict, they talk to each other to resolve it. However, pwBPD use dysfunctional methods to try to get their needs met. What that looks like is that instead of her talking about her concerns with you directly, she uses "unhealthy triangulation" to diffuse her discomfort: she talks to other people about you, instead of working with you to resolve things (whether that's getting back together or ending the relationship for good). While you don't have control over what she does, you DO have control over what you do, and whether you play a part in the "unhealthy triangle". Check out our thread on the Karpman Drama Triangle (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0). After you read it, come back and let us know your thoughts -- I'd be curious to learn from you: What part do you think your ex might be playing? What part might your mom be playing (whether she means to or not)? What part might you be playing? What are some good ways for you to exit the drama? ... Hope that helps! kells76 |