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I am feeling an odd combination of sad and hopeful after seeing my therapist this morning. Told her about the exchange with my sister over the weekend (see my previous thread).
 
I was able to identify that I feel like that exchange was a bit of a milestone. After almost a year of NC, to be thrown back into it again and find the same drama and lies that were there before, still prevalent... seeing that nothing has changed in a year... feeling the shift in my body (stress) when in contact again... it was confirmation to me that it's not yet time to re-enter or work on those relationships. They are not ready, and maybe I'm not either. I feel that confirmation that NC was and is still the right decision, and that I need to continue on the path of my healing. Getting stronger for the next time they approach me.
 
My T reminded me that in our last session we had talked about my confidence -- in who I am and what I do -- and becoming more comfortable in my own skin. She encouraged me to keep working on this as part of my healing.
 
She also made the statement that "being strong doesn't mean you won't feel shaken."  Meaning that I still love and care about my family, and so of course I will always be emotionally moved in some way if/when they reach out to me, whether kind or cruel. So, "getting stronger" which I named as a goal, she reminded me, doesn't mean becoming hard-hearted or emotionally cold. It means when I do have contact with them next, even if it shakes me emotionally, I will be able to stand confident in who I am and knowing my "why."
 
So I feel peace and hope after this session, despite the difficult weekend talking with my sister. Just wanted to share in case anyone else needed to hear this.

Thank your for sharing WBF. So much wisdom in there, and I can certainly use it now. Confidence is also what I am working on these days. Desensitization. Going out there. Not easy, but seems to get easier over time.  :hug: