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Title: What to do in a devaluation phase? Post by: Bella2798 on February 19, 2023, 09:26:24 AM Hi everyone!
I've been studying my relationship recently, and I've came to realize that there have been always some devaluation phases that led to a break up. And it seems like my partner isn't aware of that. Although he was the first one years ago to bring the topic of BPD up and he got diagnosed with it once, we haven't talked about it recently. I don't know yet how should I start to talk, especially because he's not in the mood for that kind of talk now. He also has some appointments with a psychiatrist and therapist, two months later and I was thinking maybe it's better to wait until then or some time near to talk about it. I was thinking if meanwhile, there is something I can do to help him leave this devaluation phase before it leads to a break up? Title: Re: What to do in a devaluation phase? Post by: Gutt3rSnipe on February 19, 2023, 05:20:16 PM Hi everyone! I've been studying my relationship recently, and I've came to realize that there have been always some devaluation phases that led to a break up. And it seems like my partner isn't aware of that. Although he was the first one years ago to bring the topic of BPD up and he got diagnosed with it once, we haven't talked about it recently. I don't know yet how should I start to talk, especially because he's not in the mood for that kind of talk now. He also has some appointments with a psychiatrist and therapist, two months later and I was thinking maybe it's better to wait until then or some time near to talk about it. I was thinking if meanwhile, there is something I can do to help him leave this devaluation phase before it leads to a break up? It’s really impossible to give you good suggestions because we don’t know the severity of his bpd or his triggers. However, Everything I’ve read on the subject of devaluation says if they have it in their mind to devalue you then that’s what they’ll do regardless of what you do. Although I’m sure it differs based on various factors of the person with the disorder. I really don’t know..? In my persons experience, once devaluing began it never stopped no matter how much I did to try and fix things with her. She’d seem to appreciate the good and kind things I did to help her, but I never gained any ground. She continued to devalue me further until she reached discard, then left me for her ex. Maybe someone else on this site has a strategy for turning things around, but I haven’t seen anything concrete. Title: Re: What to do in a devaluation phase? Post by: thankful person on February 20, 2023, 12:00:49 AM Hi Bella,
I agree with gutt3rsnipe, in my experience there’s not much you can do, especially with my dbpdw, she has absolutely no awareness than anything is going on other than me being a bad person. She has told me we’re “not together” on many occasions which sometimes lasts for months, but we’ve actually never split up as in stopped living together for the past 8 years. One thing I have noticed from all the work I have done on here is that my wife does treat me with more respect when I stand up for myself and treat myself with more respect. Of course this doesn’t mean JADEing, but rather just having a quiet awareness than I know her accusations are untrue, and telling her that I don’t want to spend time with her raising her voice at me or being attacked.. and following through by going to do something else for a while. |