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Title: How do you keep a clear mind? Post by: itisi on March 14, 2023, 09:08:12 AM I have struggled with a lot of confusion since being with my husband. He is so unpredictable and I tend to want to keep him happy, walking on eggshells.
We started couples counseling last week and it felt like a train wreck for me. It was so hard to gather my thoughts and accurately describe what it’s like for me, all while trying not to step on my husbands toes or say something I will regret later. I mean, I was so overcome by anxiety I could hardly speak. I need to do better, for my own sake and for his, but I’m struggling with this confusion, as well as extreme anxiety and even fear of his emotional abuse that will come if I’m honest. Title: Re: How do you keep a clear mind? Post by: Chief Drizzt on March 14, 2023, 03:28:53 PM I personally do a lot of praying. It’s so hard dealing with someone who has BPD - I just don’t know what to do anymore myself. My wife refuses to take any responsibility for her behavior or actions - and until she does things are never going to get fixed. Freakin sucks….
Title: Re: How do you keep a clear mind? Post by: uncleflo on March 14, 2023, 03:44:57 PM I have struggled with a lot of confusion since being with my husband. He is so unpredictable and I tend to want to keep him happy, walking on eggshells. We started couples counseling last week and it felt like a train wreck for me. It was so hard to gather my thoughts and accurately describe what it’s like for me, all while trying not to step on my husbands toes or say something I will regret later. I mean, I was so overcome by anxiety I could hardly speak. I need to do better, for my own sake and for his, but I’m struggling with this confusion, as well as extreme anxiety and even fear of his emotional abuse that will come if I’m honest. I'm sorry you're going through all of this, Itisi. Here's what works for me: - Meditation. Once my wife got diagnosed with BPD many years ago, I began meditating more and more. Setting aside space to quiet the mind and focus squarely on the breath for 10, 15, or 30 minutes a day helps me keep my balance whenever the poo hits the fan. I've found that if I don't carve out this space to meditate, I'm ill-equipped to handle her mood swings and get carried along with them into the abyss. Even 5 minutes in the morning in the bathroom with the door closed helps! :) - Yoga. Just like meditation, dropping into the body for some stretching not only grounds me but also calms my energy. Any exercise where we don't think seems to help. - Going for a walk. When the anxiety is too much, walking in the forest and listening to the birds (and not my mind) is wonderfully beneficial to settle myself. I think finding space to quiet your mind - through meditation, prayer, walking through the woods, exercise, etc. - is paramount to handling the difficult moments that inevitably come when dealing with somebody who is generally unbalanced. We can't predict how our pwBPD will react to anything but we can make sure we aren't out of whack. Also, maybe writing down what you want to say with bullet points before a session might be helpful. We're all here for you and supporting you, my friend. Uncle Title: Re: How do you keep a clear mind? Post by: itisi on March 15, 2023, 08:53:28 AM I'm sorry you're going through all of this, Itisi. Here's what works for me: - Meditation. Once my wife got diagnosed with BPD many years ago, I began meditating more and more. Setting aside space to quiet the mind and focus squarely on the breath for 10, 15, or 30 minutes a day helps me keep my balance whenever the poo hits the fan. I've found that if I don't carve out this space to meditate, I'm ill-equipped to handle her mood swings and get carried along with them into the abyss. Even 5 minutes in the morning in the bathroom with the door closed helps! :) - Yoga. Just like meditation, dropping into the body for some stretching not only grounds me but also calms my energy. Any exercise where we don't think seems to help. - Going for a walk. When the anxiety is too much, walking in the forest and listening to the birds (and not my mind) is wonderfully beneficial to settle myself. I think finding space to quiet your mind - through meditation, prayer, walking through the woods, exercise, etc. - is paramount to handling the difficult moments that inevitably come when dealing with somebody who is generally unbalanced. We can't predict how our pwBPD will react to anything but we can make sure we aren't out of whack. Also, maybe writing down what you want to say with bullet points before a session might be helpful. We're all here for you and supporting you, my friend. Uncle Thank you both for the tips, I will try all of those things. I did try writing bullet points for the session and it went much better where I was able to at least be honest about my feelings. Title: Re: How do you keep a clear mind? Post by: Bella2798 on March 15, 2023, 09:54:47 AM I'm so sorry for what you're going through, dear Itisi.
I understand you a lot. I feel so anxious too while talking about our problems/my feelings with my partner. And I can imagine the pressure on my if we get to have an appointment for a couple counseling. Recently I tried writing what I want to say before, so I can correct my words and choose better ones, and it helps me not to forget (or ignore) the important points I want to share. I'm struggling with these stuff myself and I'm still practicing and learning. I hope this can help you. :) |