BPDFamily.com

Have any of you experienced "6th sense" intuitions?
Like, you feel in your gut something is happening, then you get a message or a call a few hours later, or you sense something is wrong, only to hear of some massive event through the grapevine or mutual friends?

I'd be curious to hear any stories of events like this, pertaining to BPD partners, or not.

During our first breakup, i KNEW something was horribly wrong the moment she found out her grandfather passed away. Pulled me out of sleep like a fish on a line, and I knew it was her, and something was terribly wrong.
events simialr to this have happened dozens of times throughout the relationship. Both during "good times" and during splits & breakups. I had another very strong bout of this on Saturday evening while i was busy with my friends moving my stuff into my new house. I was busy, in a good mood, mentally occupied and I was not thinking about any of this, then the "6th sense" hit me like a truck.
I have had similar experiences with other people who are close to me. Brother, SIL, Son, Mother, Ex WIfe.

its bizzare, and honestly I think it has slowed my seperation process.
If the universe wont cut the cord that ties us, how can either of us ever move on?

I am in LC with my uBPDex because we work together. A few months back, I had a very strong 'spidey-sense' that something was wrong. At that point, I hadn't talked to my ex in over a week. But I had a very strong intuition that she was not ok. I really, really wanted to reach out and check on her that week.

Instead I reached out to a mutual friend, who assured me that everything was fine. Later, I found out that my ex had a health scare that week. They ended up being ok in the end, but it was a really scary week for them, with strange symptoms and waiting on test results. Our mutual friend told me things were 'fine' because at the time my ex didn't want anyone else to know. But they told me later that they thought it was really eerie that I reached out right when things were at their scariest that week--they commented on my 'spidey-sense.'

I do think part of it is some sixth sense, some kind of intuition that keeps us connected to people we really care about. Hard to explain away moments like waking up in the middle of the night with a sense of dread, like you describe.

I also think that part of it is us being to attuned to the needs of our partners. When we are with our partners, we get so used to watching their every little behavior. We get trained to constantly be vigilant for the next crisis, mood, or outburst. In that process, we start to notice little details that other friends/family might never notice.

I am still in the process of detaching from my ex. One of the hardest parts is still having these moments. Weird dreams, intuition, and noticing when things are 'off' on those moments when we do interact at work--and not commenting on it. Just letting my ex live their life, without me trying to fix everything.

The invasive intution feelings continue despite my concerted efforts to continue detachment.
Saturday evening something big happened, i felt it like a truck hitting me.

I do sometimes get a sense that "all is not as it seems on the surface" about my H's kids' mom (BPD traits) and stepdad (NPD traits). I'd say I'm right >50% of the time -- and it's possible that the <50% of the time that I think "well, guess there was nothing going on", it's more that -- something was up, I just never found out what was going on.

I think people take in way, way more information than we can consciously articulate -- we have a lot of tacit knowledge. We pick up on "vibes" & emotions, we are exposed to behaviors and behavior patterns, we can know right away from a tone of voice that "something's up" even if the content of the words is benign, we "get a weird feeling" about walking down the street, etc... all of that might be taken in and operate at a non-verbal, non-conscious level, but I don't think that makes it not rational. I think it's totally rational, AND subconscious, at the same time. So, I think we're on the same page -- we can receive information from our thoughts and feelings where even though we may not be able to logically articulate it, it's still solid information.

The way I think it worked for me was -- the kids' mom and stepdad would not and don't tell us anything about how the kids are doing (unless it blames me and H). So we are often completely in the dark about what the kids need. If the kids came over and were having a hard time, it was really difficult. So, without even trying to, over time I think I became extra attuned to what the kids' mom and stepdad would say in terms of tone, specific word choice, "being nice", body language, etc, because in order to take care of the kids, I had to grab every last iota of information I could, and a lot of it I could only get tacitly.

...

You experienced a long relationship with your ex. There were lots of patterns of behavior, whether consciously noted by you or not, and I'm guessing you became prepared over time to cope with whatever your senses informed you you should be prepared to cope with. Your intuition might have been sending you non-verbal messages to prepare yourself to protect yourself and be ready.

Your body is maybe "used to" telling you things and then you "getting ready" based on that. Now, though, your body is telling you things (the intuitive feelings), but this time, you aren't doing what you always used to do.

I wonder if that is why the intuitive feelings are becoming invasive -- at some level, your body is still "living in the past", where it was really, really important for you to DO whatever the intuitive feelings told you to do. Now that you are out of the relationship, your conscious mind is controlling what you do and is like "Hey, I don't need to do XYZ any more", but the intuitive feelings are like "I have always told you to do XYZ when it was critical, and I'm telling you XYZ is critical, and you're not doing it, so I will increase the intensity and invasiveness until you cooperate!"

I wonder if that is anywhere close... that even though you can explicitly verbally articulate "We are not in a relationship any more", your tacit knowledge hasn't caught up, and so is trying to protect you the way it always used to.

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What do you think your invasive intuitive feelings want you to do?

It feels like I should be doing what I always felt like I should do, and that's comfort her and support.

The event I mentioned that pulled me out of sleep was when we were broken up, and her grandfather died. I know when the people I care about are having bad days. Specifically her, the energy tells me it's her, but never tells me why or what's going on.

This is why it makes no contact so difficult, it is my instinct to reach out and offer support when I feel this. That was what I did during the relationship, and she appreciated and cared about it. She talked about how it was obviously that we had a special connection if I could feel things like this. When I am painted black, and if I happen to bring it up, which I obviously haven't done in quite some time, she usually uses it as an excuse to complain about my ex-wife

What would happen, back when you were together, when you didn't comfort/support her?

I can only think of one major example.
I always tried to be supportive, it was the passive-aggressive attrition that wore me down and caused fights.

The example i speak of was during our first time together, right before the first full brekup.
It was when her grandmother died, during covid. She wasnt able to see her before she died, and her grandmother basically raised her. (her parents suck, mom was abusive, dad was barely around)

Its not so much that i didnt support her during this, I just couldn't do enough to console her loss, I didn't have enough support for that scenario (i dont think anyone would have).

But to give a general answer to your question, and i harken back to the passive-aggressive stuff here, so for example if she HINTED that she wanted the water jugs filled, and I didn't catch that hint, over a few days it would turn into a massive issue, I can see how this is viewed as a lack of support in her eyes. a lack of support would basicaly result in a couple of days of arguments and coldness, then things would fade off.
She was particularly combative during PMS times, which ironically lines up with the full moon like clockwork.
So, i learned to be extra attentive in the week leading up to a full moon.