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Title: Is it worth it? Post by: MustangLove on April 20, 2023, 08:49:09 AM I just married my husband with BPD in March. Yesterday I came home and his stuff was all gone in his car with him and he was gone. He came back to talk and told me that he applied for financial assistance to annul our marriage. Then he changed his mind last night and brought his stuff back in and said it wasn't too late and he could stop the annulment. He woke up this morning saying he just doesn't feel the same, he's tired of waking up feeling this way. He couldn't tell me anything I have done wrong to make him want to end the relationship. I sent him an article about the relationship patterns of people with BPD. All of it fits him to a T. This is not the first time we have went through the dreadful bpd cycle. But every time I point out that this could be his disorder and nothing to do with our relationship and compatibility he freaks out. He says he is tired of feeling like everything is his fault, his disorder.
It is. He won't work, he starts fights, he physically hurts people, he lies, and he manipulates me. It is him. I'm not sure I can handle these cycles with him and not being able to trust him, and him trying to blame me. Title: Re: Is it worth it? Post by: Notwendy on April 20, 2023, 03:29:42 PM You have been married a month and all this, plus cheating with his ex when he visits his child?
None of us here can decide if it's worth it - but you can decide - according to his behavior and how he treats you. PW BPD are considered mentally competent. This means they are responsible for their own behavior. If you don't want to be married to someone who- cheats on you- packs up and leaves and tells you he want out- doesn't work is physically hurtful to others lies manipulates- Then, you can decide based on your standards for marriage, not anything he says. Title: Re: Is it worth it? Post by: Cat Familiar on April 20, 2023, 04:57:01 PM “What’s past is prologue.” (William Shakespeare “The Tempest”)
To apply this to your situation, what you’ve already experienced sets the stage of what is to come in the future, and the future is yours to create. What would you like to see in your future? Now is the time to get really clear on what you want for yourself and your child. Title: Re: Is it worth it? Post by: waverider on April 21, 2023, 02:46:36 AM There is no magic wand that can be waved to make it all go away. This is who he is, and a good sampler of the way he will always be. Is this for you, can you live with it, or is it all too much? The longer it goes on the harder it will be to detach as the investment becomes greater.
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