BPDFamily.com

Hello, i'm 36 and i think i am codependant and maybe have fear of abandonment and i met a girl that was acting so lovely with me and put me very high in the happiness and then discared me like i'm a big sh*t and blocked me, i'm always bad after a breakup but this time is the worst. Here is my story

I met this girl on social media (she is 34)  she was so into me and she told me that she was just done with a long relationship of 4 years with a narcissist, she told me her ex was very bad to her etc… and she didn’t want him anymore, She was calling me and texting me all the time from day to night... We decided to meet after a month, but just before she said that her ex tried to come back and he said that he changed and she was confused she didn’t know what to do... I told her let’s meet first and you’ll make your decision later, we met for 3 days, everything was great… and a week after that she decided to leave because she was still thinking about her ex and I got blocked everywhere…

I managed to get unblocked the same day and she said to me that she was also attached to me and that she’ll think about it. Then we talked as “friends” for like 2 weeks, but finally she came back really strong into the relationship saying stuff like “thanks for waiting for me” “it took me 34 years to find you, i won’t give up on you now” etc… Was calling me, texting me all the time, watching movies on phone together, even sleeping on phone… Then she came to my town again for my birthday for 3 days, had the best birthday of my life, lots of gifts etc…  she did everything to make me SO happy, she even said to me “I love you” and even mentionned that she didn’t say this words to lots of men in her life so it means a lot to her... And a few weeks later, she showed lower interest and decided to left me just before christmas because "i have no job", she said it’s too scary and she doesn’t like a man without a job, i told her well, i will find one ? why do you leave for that, she didn’t want... I tried to make her react by saying something like "it's fine i'll go to talk to other girl if you leave" and I ended up being blocked everywhere again… But before she blocked me she said something like, she may be bipolar she doesn't know what she has exactly. (could be also lie i really don't know... or could be another disorder)...

I managed to get unblocked the same day again, she said something like “you know me too i’m really attached to you, eventhough i block i won’t block you for a long time” “i do that to my friends too sometimes and they hate me for that”. Well, finally we went back into the relationship, she even sent me some gifts and a love letter, saying stuffs like “thanks for existing” “you are the best person i ever met in my life” “you showed me that not everyone is bad in this world”… i cried reading the letter (yes i'm very sensitive and i was happy).

So we went back into love again, she said that she is gonna trust me for the job (i’m an artist and trying to get started) she said she is gonna wait and trust in me, we met another time... and then a week later she said : “i’m depressed i don’t want to talk”... i asked her what happen (I knew i was getting dumped again so I was worried), she said “I don’t know what the PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) is happening I just don't want to talk” I tried to call her she blocked my number and she said that we should stop together, she didn’t want to say why exactly (just talked about the job thing again a little bit). the next days tried to talk to her again, and she told me stop harassing me, sorry you don’t deserve that, but we should stop talking i'm hurting you and it make me feel bad, be couragous and don’t forget to work, and she blocked me everywhere again… I didn’t do anything to get unblocked this time and i was hoping she is gonna do it by herself (since she said she was very attached and that she would unblock anyway) but she didn’t... it’s been 40 days now…

I lost 20lbs, i'm eating less since the second discard, before christmas but it got alot worst now, I literally feel that I want to puke all the time...

I don’t know if she is back with her ex or not… I don’t know anything and i feel very bad, miss her so bad, can’t eat and have nightmares all the time of this… Do this kind of situation remind you of a person with BPD or something like that ? what can i do about it ? is it final when the person does this ? :(

relationship lasted for 7 months

I really miss her...

thanks for your help

Hi nonorobot, thanks for sharing your story.  I can't tell from what you've said whether or not she has BPD specifically but it's clear that she has some deep issues that seem to be manifesting as a personality disorder.  I would take this time away from them to ask some questions of myself: Do I enjoy this push-and-pull?  What am I seeking in this relationship?  What is it about this person that I am attracted to?  What needs of mine does this relationship fulfill?

A book that I found very helpful is called Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist, since it explores the possible issues on both sides of the relationship, not just the person with an obvious disorder.  It can also help you determine if they have BPD or NPD.

I think that most of us here are also very sensitive people and can relate to feeling things very strongly - my appetite is also disturbed when I'm upset and can relate to that.  I hope that expressing yourself here and reading what others have to say helps you get back into balance.

thank you very much for your reply

yeah this question is a hard one, i don't enjoy the push and pull but i believe it's what make my brain addicted, it's like when someone give you a drug that make you very very happy and different then take it away from you just like that, the brain is asking for this feeling again.

these kind of people seems very perfect when they are into you, everything is so perfect and they are so lovely and when they are done with you, you feel like you are a sh*t.

I really feel like she tooks a part of my soul with her, i have always been bad post breakup, but this time it's 10times worse...

thanks also for the book i will look for it