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so, as I said in my previous post I have made a decision that I would pursue reconciling my relationship with my exfianceewBPD if there is an opportunity. right now we are in de fact NC after a pretty bad rage from her via text last time around. she also asked me to leave her alone and I respect that. I personally believe that she will reach out to me at some point. however, I go through periods of intense anxiety about it. I start ruminating on will she won't she? when will it happen? was there a replacement? is she really going to not talk to me ever again after everything? In reality I know there is a better than good shot she will. My car is in both of our names. I have the dog we got together. while we were together I was her kids "father'. everyone in her small town knew me as their father. I was her most serious relationship, and I know for sure I treated her the best. she also has a funny way of not permanently closing the door. as far as I know nothing has been said or done or her end that she would see as unforgivable. she has even said that right now she is overwhelmed and emotionally numb. not just to me but everyone. so I think the de facto no contact is best for both of us right now. I will not reach out to her again. I'm asking for advice on the best way to handle the ruminating. when I get like this is awfully tempting to shoot my shot. I have started working with a T and I'm reading stop walking on egg shells. any advice or thoughts would be appreciated!

Good to hear you're talking with a therapist. Hope that helps. Take time for yourself and do things you like. Go for a walk, see a movie, or people watch at the park. Be gentle with yourself and calmly shift your focus if you start ruminating.