BPDFamily.com

I’m a mom trying to adjust to an adult son’s incarceration & bp.  The stigma of a mental health issue is far less overwhelming than a son destined to serve time. It has been a year of quietly struggling with his situation, not yet resolved, as his case plays out in the courts. Per legal counsel, it has not been advisable to share much information with extended family/friends, thus my journey has been painful, solitary, and with an acute sense of loss.

I am new to this site and, finally, emotionally ready to reach out to others. If there are other parents or family members who can offer support, comfort, or life experiences,  I would be most appreciative!

I believe in the power of humanity’s interdependence and I look forward to sharing life’s challenges with you.

Hi MoMa Cat, welcome to the group -- so glad you felt ready to share what's really going on in your life. I get it, that sometimes things that "sound hard" to talk about (the MH issues, for example) actually aren't as hard to talk about as other issues.

There have definitely been members here who have coped with having an incarcerated child, having a son with BPD and legal involvement, needing to take out a RO on a child, and/or with being jailed themselves. You're in the right place to talk about hard stuff with people who won't judge you about what's going on in your family.

Can I ask, how old is your son? Do you have other children, and if so, how do they seem to be doing with your son's incarceration?

Right now, how long is he looking at being incarcerated for?

And did he have any dual diagnosis stuff going on (addiction)?

I know at least one member had a stepson finally end up in prison -- the stepson had started drinking and drug use very early (age 12 I think) and had to hit his own rock bottom with a prison sentence. While in prison, though, he was finally able to start getting clean and reflecting on what had impacted him as a child, and then what choices he'd made, to contribute to his incarceration. He and his stepdad (the member) and siblings were able to reconnect and have a more positive relationship. While the stepson didn't have BPD (I don't think), his mother did.

Sometimes, pwBPD have to hit their own "rock bottom", much, much further down than we would ever want for them, in order to have the inner motivation to seek changes. Also, some pwBPD need a great deal of structure to manage their inner chaos. It is not impossible that incarceration may provide your son with both external structure for his life, and opportunities (treatment/therapy/counseling/groups) to face his choices and make different decisions.

None of that makes it easy for you, though. Please don't hesitate to let us know how we can be here for you on your journey, and feel free to share as much or as little as is best for you.

-kells76